Breakfast for Dinner | All Blogs

A little bit of Seoul, and a lot of eye rolling

By Rachel Sauer

The low point came, I think, when I screeched “You don't deserve Korea!” at my TV.

I can't remember what it was in response to — probably when one of the interchangeable “ladies” had a spaz about eating a tiny piece of octopus — but Melinda was very soothing.

“Have a cookie,” she advised. So I did.

It had come to this, to self-medicating with baked goods.

I know Melinda feels bad that this, my introduction to “The Bachelor,” is such an annoying, shrill, extremely dopey and yet somehow boring dud. But how could she have known? This is a show she loves and Juan Pablo seems, you know... tidy? I don't know. Melinda told me he got kicked off midway through the season of “The Bachelorette” on which he first appeared.

At least this week the gang was heading to Asia. I love Asia! Clare, she of the crazy eyes who showed up that first night wearing a fake baby bump, rued that she didn't have a kimono. Since they were heading to South Korea. I really worry that one day I'll roll my eyes so far back they'll get stuck.

Host Chris Harrison told the “ladies” they'd be going to the home of “Gangnam Style.”

You're welcome, good people of South Korea! That's pretty much all we know about you, apparently. Then, on the first of two group dates, that wily Juan Pablo — J.Pabs, as Melinda and I affectionately call him — told the “ladies” they'd be doing something with pop.

Cassandra, whose occupation is “former NBA dancer,” surmised they'd be making popcorn. Another contestant guessed they'd be having a bubble blowing contest. And pop went my credulity and patience.

No, they were acting as backup dancers to noted K.Pop band 2NE1. In this, pediatric nurse Nikki distinguished herself as a griping snot face who should NEVER be allowed around children and pharmaceutical sales rep Kat distinguished herself as the sort of woman I can't stand, someone who made me want to smash my own lamps, King Kong-style.

But all J.Pabs wanted to do is dance, you know? And maybe make the romance.

Then, J.Pabs and opera singer Sharleen had a one-on-one date, and a surprisingly frank, non-shallow, equal give-and-take conversation.

That was a first, in my experience with “The Bachelor.” Melinda assured me that's normal in other seasons, and thus, part of the show's appeal. I considered changing my mind about it. But then... back to the usual shenanigans, eh, J.Pabs?

He said he wasn't going to do any kissing, since he didn't want to shame his daughter or whatever, but then he kissed crazy-face Clare. He sent home the confoundingly clothed contestant (seriously, what was she wearing?) who claimed to be from a place called "Forty Fort," humored Nikki Who Shouldn't Be Allowed Around Children, said some dumb stuff I stopped listening to and I blame him for the deterioration of my good character.

Next week, the gang's going to Vietnam. They don't deserve Vietnam.


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