Welcome to SLC; now put on your glow sticks
This week, colleague Matt Meyer asked me a simple question: “Why do women watch ‘The Bachelor’?”
I didn’t have an immediate answer. It wasn’t until I was listening to a podcast about an unrelated topic when I realized my answer:
I was joking, but the more I thought about it the more I realized “The Bachelor” and pro wrestling are similar, and that played out perfectly in Week 2 on Monday, Jan. 13.
The episode started with Juan Pablo’s first date with Clare. They went to an indoor winter wonderland, where man-made snow gave the happy couple the chance to sled, ice skate, sit in a hot tub and do other wintery things in LA.
Clare’s from Sacramento, Calif., so maybe she hadn’t been exposed to snow before, prompting her to say the following.
(If snow has a taste, it might not be good to eat it.)
How does this date relate to pro wrestling? Well, SPOILER ALERT, both bend the truth. A winter wonderland in LA? Man-made. Pro wrestling? Not real.
Juan Pablo’s second date was with Kat, another blonde, who admitted to Juan Pablo that she loves surprises after they pulled up (in his sports car) to a private jet (bound for an unknown destination). Kat was excited then exited somewhere opposite of tropical: Salt Lake City.
That’s right. She and Juan Pablo spent their first date wearing glow sticks and neon at a running race in SLC.
How does this date relate to wrestling? Neon and tight, athletic gear definitely have a home in pro wrestling.
Cut to ABC airing a promotional ad for Sean and Catherine’s upcoming wedding.
They are to “The Bachelor” franchise as The Hart Foundation was to pro wrestling: a championship couple with great hair.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to choose between watching this wedding and The Grammy’s on Jan. 26.
Anyway, back to Week 2 of this season of “The Bachelor,” which, I’ll be honest, is one of the worst seasons ever. And it didn’t get better on the group date.
As some of you may remember, this is Rachel’s first season watching “The Bachelor,” so this was her first group date experience, otherwise known as a bunch of women who barely know each other competing for attention from a man they also barely know but pretend they love while having too much wine and no food.
After all three dates, Rachel and I can’t yet determine the front-runner for Juan Pablo’s heart.
But we can tell you who doesn’t win: Victoria. Turns out being a 24-year-old, dramatic, sloppy drunk is not what Juan Pablo was looking for in a wife and stepmother.
He said as much when he talked to Victoria about her behavior the day after the date. It was about the deepest thoughts he’s had this season.
On to Week 3 when some favorites might start to emerge from the pack like, say “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan or Jake “The Snake” Roberts.
Now those, Matt, are solid pro wrestling references.
(NOTE: Juan Pablo got into trouble this weekend with some comments he said in an interview with The TV Page. He has since apologized, saying he chose the wrong words to use because English is not his first language.)