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This is Just the Beginning…
This last nine months has been fairly uneventful in the relationship between Soren and Jonas. Soren seemed uninterested in his new brother. He’d give him a little pat on the back or a kiss just for mommy’s sake every once in a while, but other than that, he just left him alone.
Two weeks ago Jonas learned to crawl. He grins ear to ear as he crawls around the house. He’s discovered our bathroom, the hallway, the kitchen … but screamed in glee when he discovered Soren’s room and the toybox of kidly treasures.
He crawls as fast as he can when he hears the kids playing in another room. Unfortunately, they usually exit just about the time he’s getting there. Lots of times he’s nearly trampled by 3 and 2-year-old feet as they chase each other to another location.
As soon as Jonas learned to crawl, Soren found out he didn’t really like him anymore because he can touch his stuff. He has to share.
The fighting has just begun.
“Joji’s got my bee,” he tattles, then rips it out of the poor baby’s hands.
Yesterday he smacked Joji upside the head for touching his special bear.
Today, he easily loosened Jonas’ grip on the chair and sent him tumbling to the floor.
Of course, all of this leaves the baby in huge tears. He wants so badly to play with his brother.
As a mom, this kind of fighting rips me in two directions. Instinct tells me to protect Joji from head smackin but it also tells me that Soren is a perfectly normal two-year-old and I shouldn’t reprimand him too hard.
I want them to get along. I want them to be friends. And I feel like I should somehow lay down the ground rules right now.
But what are they?
Permalink | Comments (6) | Post your comment | Categories: Richie
Comments
By Robin
May 7, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this
First, always reward kind, gentle behavior with loads of praise. Then you could ask Soren about his actions. Ask him if that was a nice, big-brotherly thing to do and help him to find a conscious. However, malicious acts should use whatever normal punishment you use. This is going to be a longterm issue, whatever you do now will lay the groundwork. Good luck.
By chris
May 7, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this
the way that you handle things now is going to be key to dealing with future behavioral flareups with both your boys. making sure that Soren has a good understanding of what will be accepted and what won’t be tolerated will go a long way to molding a big brother that Jonas can emulate when he gets to the same stage, even if there are no other younger siblings to follow.
it will also aid you and Marty in knowing which way to go with future disciplinary and reward decisions, because you set the tone early and the boys will know what to expect when their actions warrant your parental influence.
Robin is correct when stating that Soren must be taught about conscience, but he must also have some protections from Jonas’ natural curiosity. without some rules—-NOW—-in a few months, boxing gloves and headgear may be the way to settle matters by themselves, but i doubt that would be the correct way to do it, as might certainly doesn’t make right.
hmmmm….maybe leaders in industry, society and politics could stand to learn from the Haute Mamas and the lurkers. it couldn’t hurt.
By Aunt Monica
May 8, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this
My sons are 15 months apart in age. They are now Sr and Jr in high school and friends. What were the rules? Geez, many years of rules, and we played ref. Two very different personalities. Each battle/incident was debated. Sorry to say but the turning point came at about 5th and 6th grade when the older one somehow curbed the tactics and proved he was mentally and physically superior. He had patience for the younger one until that age. They began to enter the ‘man’ world and rules. They were competitive and remain that way. It is better that it happened when they were young not now as teenagers. You will do fine just stick with it. They are sooooo adorable!
By Richie Ann
May 8, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this
How do moms feel about the “don’t intervene unless there’s blood” school of thought?
By Aunt Monica
May 8, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this
That rule applied when they reach 5th and 6th grade. And Dad enforced it with Mom getting in the car and driving away, so as not to be witness to the scene.
By Aunt Monica
May 8, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
The school record in pole vault set by the older brother was 12’3”. School record is now 12’3 1/2” set by the younger brother!