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Monday, January 8, 2007
I have never been a big fan of the comics. This is true in spite of the fact I learned to read by looking at the Sunday comics and eventually all the words on the page were deciphered to go along with the pictures. I have always been puzzled by the multitude of people who freak out whenever we change something on our comics pages. I bite my tongue to avoid saying something like, “Get a life.”
Until I started reading “ZITS”.
This cartoon should be required reading for any parent going through the teenage years. I swear the characters live at my house. I clip it out several times a week to share with Alex. In fact, I told him yesterday that he should call the cops because they have stolen his identity through this comic strip. I rarely, if ever, miss reading it. In fact, if my employers ever mess with it, I will be one of those people flooding our switch board to freak out.
You won’t find the comic on our web pages. But I’m telling ya, it’s worth the price of home delivery. Oh yeah - call us at 242-1919 and we canl set you up with that. Or go back to our home page and do it on-line.
Have fun reading ZITS! We all need to laugh more - especially at our own situations!
Friday, January 5, 2007
Last but not least . . .
Ten Things That Make Me Happy
1. A sincere “I love you” from my son, or anyone else for that matter
2. Having my family close at hand
3. A bottle of really good red wine for less than ten bucks
4. An up-close parking spot
5. A haircut I like the first time
6. Prayers answered the way I think they should be answered
7. Going on a picnic - anytime, anywhere, any weather
8. A full tank of gas, a clean car, my favorite CD’s and an open road (OK that’s four, but they’re related)
9. I can still do at least ten real push-ups
10. Making my son laugh
Nine Places I’ve Visited
1. King Hassan’s palace in Morocco
2. La Alhambra
3. Haleakala Crater
4. Harry’s Farmer’s Market
5. Praia de Roca
7. La Catedral de Sevilla
8. Canyonview Stadium 14
9. Monterey Bay Aquarium
Eight Random Things You Might Not Know About Me
1. My tan lines from Hawaii are beginning to fade
2. I won the school spelling bee in 6th grade
3. My spice cabinet is alphabetized
4. There are certain crimes I would commit if they ever become de-criminalized
5. I have never seen “Rocky Horror Picture Show”
6. I once drove all night with friends to get tickets to a Grateful Dead concert (about which I remember little)
7. I love to make and eat soup, any kind of soup
8. I own t-shirts that are older than my son
Seven Things I Want To Do Before I Die
2. Win Powerball
3. Have grandchildren
4. Visit Scotland and Ireland
5. Get Botox
6. Be on an episode of Boston Legal
7. Have time to say a Hail Mary
Six Ways To Win My Heart
1. Tell me I’m a good mother
2. Take me on a trip somewhere
3. Compliment my son
4. Be my handyman and fix stuff
5. Don’t argue with me about ANYTHING when I have PMS
6. Support me even if you don’t agree with me
Five Things I Don’t Like
1. People who throw their cigarette butts out of their car windows
2. Any so-called “reality” TV
3. People who litter, especially in the wilderness
5. People who don’t clean the microwave at work after they use it
Four Things I’m Afraid Of
1. Anything bad happening to my son
2. Choking, drowning or some other violent death like murder
3. Getting cancer or any life-threatening illness
4. Being the only survivor after nuclear war
Three Ways To Turn Me Off
1. Vote for a candidate or issue without bothering to become informed about either
2. Blame all your problems on other people or events and refuse to take responsibility
3. Pick your teeth in public after eating
Two Things I Wish I Had
1. My original Woodstock poster
2. The proverbial magic bullet
One Thing On My Mind Right Now
1. That I actually get paid to do this
By Richie Ann Ashcraft
Thursday, January 4, 2007
This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
Ten Random Things You Might Not Know About Me!
1. I grew up "off-the-grid" often without running water or electricity.
2. I wear socks to bed and then kick them off before I fall asleep. There's always a nest of disgarded socks at the foot of my bed.
3. I'm passive-aggressive.
4. I like to search random words like "tiny pants" "crackhead" and "europeans" into search engines to see what comes up.
This is one of my favorite restaraunts although I've only been there twice.
6. I like scary movies because they make me giggle.
7. I put ketchup on my eggs.
8. I'm klutzy and socially awkward at times.
9. I'm secretly shy.
10. I read A LOT! I'll read anything including shampoo bottles while I'm waiting for the conditioner to set in.
Nine Places I've Visited:
The White House
The Sistine Chapel
The Red Sea
Eight Ways To Win My Heart
1. Take me somewhere...anywhere.
2. Surprise Me.
3. Remember something random I've said.
4. Save something I've given you.
5. Be there for me in my weakest moments.
6. Remember my name and how to spell it.
7. Let ME be nice to YOU!
Seven Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Have more kids.
2. Take those kids backpacking in Europe, to Disneyland, and to Yellowstone.
3. Eat at Tavern on the Green
4. Retire Rich.
5. Value and use all the time I have left.
6. Catch a really really big fish...then let it go.
7. Tell my family I love them every single day.
Six Things I'm Afraid Of.
1. Not having any emergency food in my house.
2. Losing my family.
3. My teeth falling out.
5. People stalking me on this blog.
6. Getting old.
Five Things I Don't Like:
1. I don't like when Internet commenters use acronyms like DD for darling daughter or LOL for laugh out loud. I can't always figure it out and it's annoying....FFS!
2. Drivers that turn into the far lane....It's illegal and annoying.
3. When people stand too close to me in the line at the grocery store.
5. Rude people.
Four Ways To Turn Me Off
1. Make fun of me.
2. Not listen.
3. Be cranky for no reason
4. Be boring.
Two Things That Make Me Happy
One Thing On My Mind Right Now
By Robin Dearing
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
It's a meme.
This is the first time I've ever completed a meme. I see them all the time on other people's blogs and Richie thought it would be a good way for our reader (all one of you) to get to know us a little better.
So here it is, my 10 things meme:
Ten random things you might not know about me (this is more like 10 things that you know about me but wish you didn’t):
10. I like cake.
9. I like to ride my bike around the block again and again and again (and I would do it more often but I worry what the neighbors might think).
8. I almost always have my toenails painted.
7. I won’t let anyone else do the laundry because I like it folded exactly the way my mom taught me.
6. I file, clip and/or pick at my fingernails when I’m trying to write something.
5. My Dwight Schrute bobblehead is my favorite Christmas present.
4. I enjoy public speaking.
3. I love grilled asparagus and steamed Brussel sprouts.
2. I love reality TV so much that my friend and I invented a game we play while we watch Survivor.
1. I love movies about sports, especially ones where the underdog wins.
Nine places I've visited:
8. Truckee, Calif.
7. Miami Beach
5. Las Vegas
4. New York City
3. Washington, D.C.
1. New Orleans
Eight ways to win my heart:
8. Give me chocolate
7. Say nice things to me
6. Be funny
5. Cook me dinner (and breakfast and lunch)
4. Bring me diet vanilla sodas
3. Laugh at my jokes
2. Sing along when I play the guitar
1. Love my kid
Seven things I want to do before I die:
7. Travel abroad
6. Watch my kids become happy, successful adults
5. Make my parents proud
4. Not have to worry about money
3. Finish painting my house
2. Learn patience
1. Be a better wife and friend
Six things I'm afraid of (I had to fight the urge to edit this to read “Six things
of which I’m afraid”):
6. Losing a family member
5. My kid getting sick
4. People who leer and breathe heavy
3. Scary movies
2. Giant bugs
1. Whirling blades
Five things I don't like:
4. Drunk people who think they’re interesting
3. Bad breath
2. Being touched by strangers
1. Boring people
Four ways to turn me off:
4. Be insecure
3. Be late
2. Drone on about things that aren’t funny and/or interesting to me
1. Don’t take responsibility for your own actions
Three things I do every day:
3. Read (newspapers, blogs, books …)
2. Laundry (it’s never done)
Two things that make me happy:
2. Black turtleneck sweaters
1. My family
One thing on my mind right now:
1. My aching stomach
Now, it's Richie
's turn. So, tag Richie, you're it!
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Personally, I’m glad the holidays are behind us. They were great, but I always feel overwhelmed and a bit out of sorts by the need to be “perky”, a trait that does not come naturally to me. A good time was had by all in the Lickers tribe. Well, the teenagers might argue they were alternately, bored, embarrassed and frustrated by the amount of time they were forced to spend with family.
Yes, as Richie pointed out, I did get a digital camera for Christmas. Thank you, Dan. As soon as Alex saw it, he jacked it for his own. He’s the only one who knows how to use it. He loaded the software (software?), explained with as much patience as a rattlesnake to his incredibly stupid mother how to hook up the thingie to the USB port (USB port?), and get the pictures out of the camera. And then what? OK, so they’re now in the computer. And to look at them I can’t just flip through the package like the old days? Oh, actually you can hook the camera up to the TV, so when company comes over you can treat them to a full 32” of your mug.
Dan called me the day after Christmas and asked what my plans were for the day.
“Well, I’ve dedicated the day to figuring out how to use the camera.”
“OK. I’ll call you in an hour. If you haven’t figured it out by then, we’re through.”
Obviously I’ve become the incredibly stupid girlfriend as well! Cut me some slack, dudes. It comes with three manuals in four different languages! The good news is I’m up to page 47 in the English version.
This is the year I required Alex to purchase Christmas gifts for his parents. I want him to learn that there is joy in giving. His limit was five bucks per parental unit. I didn’t care what he got, as long as he shopped, paid and wrapped on his own. He did a darn good job. Knowing his mama’s soft spot, I received a beautifully wrapped (by him) box of chocolate truffles.
I’m pretty sure I have a picture of me opening it somewhere on the home computer. When I get to page 53, I can probably figure out how to share it!
Happy New Year everyone!
By Richie Ann Ashcraft
Monday, January 1, 2007
Walking in the door after a long day at work and there wasn’t a soul in sight.
“Hello?” I called.
“She just puked on the bed!” my hubby says as he emerges from the bedroom with a rag and OxyClean in hand. Eeww…. (Puke....on my new bed!)
“Poor little angel”….I cuddled and kissed her. Her little body convulsed and hot pink goo slid down my back. Eeewww…..
“I think she ate too much yogurt,” hubby informed me.
I didn't even bother to change my shirt and continued with the nightly routine, making Soren bland cereal in case his tum tum bothered him too. He ate a surprisingly large amount before screwing up his face and bugging out his eyes. I knew what was coming and I froze spoon in midair.
Two waves of projectile warm Cream Of Wheat vomit landed in my lap. Eeww.
I wasn’t quite sure how to wiggle out of my puke covered clothes without soiling the carpet or getting it in my hair.
Hubby grabbed the OxyClean and got back to work. “We’re having a Barf-O-Rama!”
Thursday, December 28, 2006
I’m using up the last of my vacation time this week, but I came into the office yesterday to pick something up and dragged Alex along with me. We stopped by the front desk to say hey to Mary and while I was there I went quickly through my mailbox and lo and behold found my cell phone bill.
Flash back about two months ago when I added Alex to my cell phone account and gave him his own phone with stern and explicit warnings about how not to use up minutes and absolutely no text messaging. Any overtime charges or text message charges he incurred would be paid out of his limited income, which amounts to just his monthly stipend that Mother Scrooge pays him.
“Oh good Al, our cell phone bill.” I said as I opened the envelope. I glanced at the balance due and saw it was $20.00 over what it should be.
“Twenty bucks! How did that happen? Al! You have twenty bucks in text messaging charges! At ten cents a piece that’s 200 messages! Two hundred! How do you send and receive that many?! Wait! It had to be during class time when you should have been listening to the teacher!” I kinda screeched.
At this point, Robin bursts out laughing and makes a beeline back to her desk. Mary looks at Alex like a man who is about to have his last meal. Alex gives me the classic shoulder-shrugging-innocent-who-me? teenager look.
On the ride home I reiterated to my offspring that he was financially responsible for those charges. I inquired as to how he now planned to go bowling, and to the movies and ice-skating since the bills in his wallet now belonged to me. Or more accurately to Verizon.
“Just take me to the bank and I’ll get money out of my account.”
“Uh-unh” I said, as in no. “That bank account is your car and college tuition money.”
“Yeah, but it’s my money I can spend it however I want to.”
“In theory, yes. But in reality, you have a mother who’s job it is to teach you that you don’t make bad decisions and then run to the bank and cover them. You’ll be bankrupt in no time. You are not using that money to pay for something you are fully aware never should have happened.”
Anyone who has a teenager (or has ever been one) knows how the rest of the conversation went.
To his credit, he isn’t quite old enough yet to get a “real” job but he can certainly work it off. And as I told him, at fifty cents an hour it shouldn’t take him long. But he had bigger plans. He walks out of his room wearing this:
I had to laugh! But like a cat enjoying swatting around the mouse I remarked, “That sounds tempting, but I’ve already got plans for the hot tub so I’ll be relaxed. For free.”
One last observation – how do you go from no text messaging charges to two hundred in less than a month? In a word – girls. Well, just one girl presently. Hmmmm, more on that later. In the meantime – contact me for cheap labor!
By Richie Ann Ashcraft
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Due to current circumstances I've had start considering daycare.
I just don't want to think about it really. The whole idea makes me cringe. I've been lucky enough to have family watch the baby thus far but now I'm going to have to seek outside help and it hurts me.
I mean how do you trust people you don't know to look after your baby? And all you have to do is read The Daily Sentinel to know that there is a perv of the week just about every single week and it scares the holy hell out of me.
I've been asking my most trusted friends about their providers and started weighing the pros and cons of in-home vs. parochial and other daycare providers.
To tell the truth I'm just flat scared to leave my kid with someone I don't know. It's that simple.
And, I'm worried about how he will adjust to a change like that....new place, other kids, strange adults. It doesn't sound good.
Then the guilt sets in. How could I be such a terrible parent??? Considering leaving my only son with a stranger? Sticking him out there on his own???
By Robin Dearing
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
'Twas a merry — albeit quiet — Christmas for our little clan.
Santa brought goodies for all of us with Margaret getting a brand-new, never-had-training-wheels, two-wheeler bike complete with kick stand.
So, as you can imagine, Bill and I spent a fair portion of Christmas day standing outside in the cold watching our dear little one ride around and around the block with a beatific smile carved in her cold, pink face.
Two years ago Santa brought Mar a Barbie bike that lost its training wheels this summer.
Yesterday we handed down that bike to our next-door neighbor who will be turning 5 on Friday (I won't mention that we traded it to our neighbors for beer because that just seems wrong).
Bill and I were watching Kate while her folks were at work and decided that we'd done enough sitting around for this holiday season. We took Kate out for a venture into the land of Bikes with Two Wheels.
Riding a two-wheeler is a tricky thing and often requires some sort of adult to run along side, holding the seat and encouraging the little one to steer and pedal and balance and all those things that are necessary to ride sans training wheels.
We took turns running and holding and saving Kate from plowing into fences and dormant rose bushes. She did great. By the time her folks got home, she could make it all the way down the block without assistance.
So winded and sore from running around the block again and again, but grinning from the satisfaction of helping our dear friend reach an important milestone, we flopped back on the sofa for some more holiday TV time.
It was then that we discusses all the nice things that we received as gifts this year. I confided in Bill that one of my favorite presents he got me this year was this:
Those that watch the TV show, The Office
, know that it's the Dwight bobblehead. Those that don't watch the show now know that for sure that I am a quirky girl who enjoys arcane objects from TV shows about people who work in an office.
Bill said that he felt like it was a strange and decidedly unromantic gift for his wife. I disagree, there is nothing more romantic than a man buying his love the exact gift that she was hoping to get.
By Richie Ann Ashcraft
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Soren’s first Christmas was a huge success. My will power held and Santa brought everyone much needed gifts like toothbrushes, dental floss and footballs. I know…I’m going to be on of those moms who give the kids new underwear and socks every year. Geez—I bore myself.
Most importantly our family spoiled him. The past three days have been a nonstop funfest for the little tyke. There was always a spare pair of hands ready and willing to accept the wild haired baby. He had his piggies pinched, his nose hidden and enough airplane rides to last the rest of year.
My proudest moment was watching him sit between his dad and I at the dinner table enjoying bits of bread, mashed yams, and stuffing. His smiling face searching the table trying to catch someone’s eye. He was a champ and probably the most polite baby I’ve ever seen. He didn’t spit food or throw anything. He babbled and laughed. My brother-in-law said “He’s really well behaved” and of course I beamed. (This really has nothing to do with me….although I’d like to take credit….Soren just has a great personality and is naturally well-behaved.)
He ate so much that every time he’d toddle then fall on his butt, the snaps on his pants would burst. We had to change him into new 12-month pants. There goes our gift cards!
7:30 p.m. and my baby was begging to go to bed by rubbing his eyes and repeating “no no no nonoooo”. (Sadly, his first word seems to be no. I’m hesitant to say he’s talking as his babbling has been inconsistent but he’s working on it.) By 9:30, mom and pop crawled into their brand new bed. I’m sure that’s the sign of a holiday well-done.
All those new toys and guess what I find him playing with this morning??? A trial size bottle of hairspray and a mascara he pinched from my make-up basket!!!! Santa could have gotten off a lot cheaper had he known!