Makes me want to open a vein . . .

Yes, I just got back from Hawaii, and yes it was fabulous. And yes I should be writing about that here. Instead I'm choosing to write about one of my all-time blood pressure popping "I want to reach through the phone and break your scrawny neck" pet peeves. Dealing with off-shore "customer service" people. That sentence is a complete contradiction in terms all on its own. Some background - Alex bought a Zune last May. He loved it. It replaced a Zune he got for his birthday that some punk-ass kid at Palisade High School stole out of his back pack. The Zune broke about a month ago while under warranty. After much searching for what is a more closely guarded secret than the exact location of the WMD's in Iraq, Alex found a phone number to call to send in the Zune for replacement. The Zune was shipped off under the promise of being repaired and returned within 3 - 5 business days. That was a month ago. After calling these "customer service" goons each week and getting nowhere (with the exception of improving my off-shore customer service accent), I tried to find someone in the actual United Sates of America to talk to. Ha! Even harder than the WMD thing. Did you know that switch board operator at Microsoft is "not allowed" to transfer calls to any executive manager without a case number?? A case number?? That might be a clue that things are not quite right. Nice job, Bill. Maybe you and Melinda can straighten that out after you're done eradicating AIDS or whatever it is you all do now. The twelve year-old switch board operator gave me an e-mail address to send my complaint to along with more reassurance that I was now logged in to the "escalation" process and would get a response with in 4 business hours. Oh. My. God. The "escalation" process?? What the hell is that? Does that come just before a bailout process?? I've copied my e-mail correspondence below. I don't expect to ever see the Zune back. To: Advocate@microsoft.com My name is Lynn Lickers. My 16 year-old son, Alex, saved his money for a year to buy a Zune. About a month age it broke (while under warranty) and we sent it to your Zune repair center following the instructions we received when we called 1-877-438-9863. We were told it would be repaired and shipped back with in 5 - 7 business days. It was received at your repair center on November 21. We have called three times since then and have received ABSOLUTELY NO INFORMATION OR HELP about the status of the repair or when the Zune would be returned. All we get is the royal run-around from some people who do a very good job of reading off a page in your customer help manual, but in fact provide no help or assistance or updates. This is absolutely unacceptable. This should never have reached the point where I need to be spending my precious time researching and writing someone at Microsoft to get the customer service I am entitled to, and to get my son’s Zune repaired or replaced. I am disgusted and very, very upset at the lack of help from Microsoft and its affiliates. Why is it so seemingly impossible to get someone to tell me where the Zune is, what the problem is and when it will be returned?? My son has been without his Zune for almost a month!! The Zune serial number ZZZZZZ. The case number, for whatever that seems to be worth, is zzzzzzz. I expect a reply from someone on the other end of this e-mail TODAY with some information for me other than “We don’t know and can’t tell you anything other than it should be shipped in 5 -7 days”. If the Zune is lost at your center, or nobody cares enough to fix it or let me know the status of it, then I expect a refund for my son. You may contact me at (phone numbers deleted). Thank you in advance, Lynn Lickers --Original Message----- From: Response Mgmt Team - US [mailto:usrmt@microsoft.com] Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2008 1:40 PM To: Lickers, Lynn (CNI - Grand Junction) Subject: Lynn Lickers 2008121601754 [FO] Hello Ms. Lynn Lickers, I am following up with you regarding your correspondence outlining your issue with Zune support. I apologize for any inconvenience this issue has caused and I would also like to reassure you that Microsoft is committed to delivering the best customer service possible by addressing your concerns as diligently and expediently as possible. To assist you in the best way possible, I have forwarded your issue to the Zune Escalation Team for research and evaluation. You will be contacted by this team within 1 business day. Please let me know if you are not contacted within this timeframe. Thank you for taking the time to contact us. Again, I apologize for any inconvenience this issue may have caused. Respectfully, Francisco Escalation Specialist NACS Response Management Team Volt at Microsoft My reply: Dear Francisco, Here’s a thought. If Microsoft was “committed to delivering the best customer service possible”, why don’t YOU follow-up with your Zune Escalation team, whoever they are, and then let ME know what happens? Why should I have to let YOU know if they call or not? Your response is a non-response. All you did was pass the buck back to the same people who created the problem to begin with. Now I have to wait for them to call. And when they don’t, lucky me, I get to let you know. You will probably forward it to some other ridiculous department who will then send it somewhere else. This will go on until I drop dead with frustration and then you will close the issue. Maybe at my funeral Bill Gates can send a video message using some new-fangled Vista option and you can broadcast it around the world highlighting how much Microsoft cares about their customers. I don’t need you to apologize. I don’t care if you regret any inconvenience. All I really care about is that somebody, somewhere, in the god-forsaken wasteland that is Microsoft will fix my son’s damn Zune and send it back. Or give him a refund and he can go buy an ipod which is what he should have done to begin with. Respectfully back at ya, Lynn Lickers