I have never been faithful about resolution making or resolution keeping. But this year is different.
This year is different because I’ve become accustomed to change (I still don’t like it, but I accept it) and I want to take advantage of that — until I get set in my ways again. This was not always so.
I’m an anxious person. Consistency and routine are essential to keeping me from … well, freaking out. When the going gets tough, I get freaked out. And it’s not pretty.
I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and I’ve been doing pretty well. I’ve been able to keep things in perspective and it’s felt good. But today a simple thing such as a call to an unhelpful customer service agent sent me into freak-out mode where I stayed all day. I started really fretting over all the things I can’t control right now.
In freak-out mode, my mind goes something like this:
We don’t have a renter for our downtown house. And it’s Christmas time when most people don’t want to be moving. And it’s winter and the yard is ugly. Who are we ever going to fine to rent our house? What if we do find someone? Will they be nice to the house and to the neighborhood? Will they pay rent on time? Oh no, we’re going out of town or Christmas, what if we can’t find anyone before we leave town?
It’s exhausting and not a good way to go through my day.
I need to learn to feel the anxiety coming on and talking myself out freaking out. I need to learn to stop before I get too anxious and let my nerves simmer down. I need to breathe, reflect and relax before I proceed. Easier said than done, of course, but changing oneself is hard. I welcome the challenge. I love working toward being a better, happier person, a person who copes better and doesn't waste time getting worried sick.
So, my resolution for 2013 is to learn to be patient with myself.