Haute Mamas | All Blogs


Tastes like chicken

By Robin Dearing

It takes me so long to do everything. Get out of bed. Brush my teeth. Write a lecture. Grade research papers. It’s like I’m stuck in slow-motion. I push, but I never go any faster.

I think it’s because I’m slowly cooking myself.

See, I’m always cold these days (the fact that it’s cold out and I won’t turn up the heat may be the source of the problem). I sleep with my mattress pad on low. I sit at my desk with a heater at my feet and a heating pad on my back. In my car, I never turn off the seat warmers.

I think I’m being slow roasted. I think if I started basting myself with butter eventually my family would able to serve a tasty, rump roast at my wake.

Soon, summer will be here and I’ll be outside sitting around getting cooked further by the sun. My skin will continue getting all brown and leathery, like a Thanksgiving Day turkey. Maybe I should start wearing cloves and apply a orange glaze.

I bet my general sloth-like daily routine will lead to tender leg meat. My wings will be pretty skimpy, but I bet my pork belly will be great for frying up with some over-easy eggs.

Just think how much money my family will save on catering at my funeral.

Mmmm ... tastes like chicken.

COMMENTS

Please Login or Register to leave a comment.

It’s made of ... Robin!




Recent Posts
More purple potato pics
By Penny Stine
Wednesday, October 22, 2014

It’s a girl!
By Robin Dearing
Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Peak Color
By Ann Driggers
Monday, October 20, 2014

Lack of water impeding late season gardening efforts
By Penny Stine
Monday, October 20, 2014

Online Consignment Shopping
By Julie Norman
Friday, October 17, 2014


TOP JOBS




THE DAILY SENTINEL
734 S. Seventh St.
Grand Junction, CO 81501
970-242-5050
Editions
Subscribe to print edition
E-edition
Advertisers
Sign in to your account
Information

© 2014 Grand Junction Media, Inc.
By using this site you agree to the Visitor Agreement and the Privacy Policy