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Teenagerus Dumbasserus

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Title courtesy of Robin. The thing about snow is that you can see your footprints in it. The thing about teenagers is they don’t really think past their footprints at times. The combination of these two truths makes for interesting events. Alex has a friend stay overnight Friday. The same kids who refuse to get out of bed in the morning also refuse to go to bed at night. So about 11:00 p.m. I tell them both good night and since it was very cold, windy and snowy outside I said, JOKINGLY!, “If you sneak out of the house tonight be sure to bundle up.” Somewhere around 3:00 a.m. I hear talking and stumble out of bed to see whassup. Both kids are in the refrigerator, not literally, but where else would two teenage boys be? As I glance across the room doing the “mom-scan” I notice a pair of gloves on the floor by the front door. Most definitely they were not there before I went to bed. “Al, where did those gloves come from?” “Umm, they’re the gloves you got me from Eddie Bauer, remember?” “Yeah, I know where they came from. What are they doing by the front door?” “Ummmm,” followed by the deer in the headlight - or the teenagers in the refrigerator light - look. Now my mom radar is on full alert. I open the front door and see two pair of giant size sneakers coated in snow on the front porch. “Why are your shoes covered in snow and sitting outside?” (Lest you think I am stupid, I have actually figured out by now whassup. I’m giving them every opportunity to come clean.) “Ummm, we were bored so we walked around the front yard.” “Really? You didn’t go anywhere other than the front yard?” “Ummm, not really.” “Well, very curious because there are footprints in the snow leading down the driveway and up to the road.” “No, really, we didn’t go very far.” OK. They are so busted by now. I mean the smoke from the gun is thick in the air! And there’s smoke coming from my ears because not only is the boy less than truthful, he thinks I’m stupid enough to believe him! I will give his friend points because he did actually fess up. (But I’m deducting points from both of them because they weren’t smart enough to at least put their snow covered foot-yachts in the garage.) Long story short, I ordered them both directly to bed and lights out. The next morning they were served a lecture on the importance of truth, honesty and trust along with their Spam and bagel sandwiches. And Alex got to copy down every military code of honor that exists and write a brief essay on why telling the truth is important. And I lectured him again on how he may or may not get in trouble for what he did, but he will always get in trouble for not telling the truth about it. In the end, I have to laugh to myself. I bet it was a blast to sneak out, go up to a friend’s house and write “I love you” in the snow as they claimed they did. And if I wanted further evidence to bust them, I needed only to point out two pairs of wet jeans hanging over the shower rod.

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