What’s Your Sign?

I'm a Leo. My ruler is the Sun, the center of the solar system, Goddess of My Universe, stuff like that. I don't put a lot of stock in Zodiac signs but I do read my horoscope everyday, just for kicks. When it's a good one, I believe. When it's not so good I pooh-pooh it. Today it just made me laugh. In your fantasy life, you employ a secretary, a stylist and a driver. In your real life, you do a pretty good job of taking care of yourself and getting where you need to be. Give yourself props - tips even. OK - in my fantasy life I do not employ a secretary (although that sounds appealing), nor a stylist (some may argue I ought to), nor a driver (but I hear there is legislation pending to require that). In my fantasy life I employ a wife, a handyman, and a caterer. My wife - (purely platonic, let's get that, um, straight) takes care of laundry and ironing, grocery shopping, house cleaning, paying bills, swapping out seasonal closets, chauffeuring children, returning things to Wal-Mart, clothes shopping, attending school meetings, organizing the storage closet and pantry and buying matching towels for the bathrooms. My handyman takes care of installing the new bathroom light fixtures, painting the house this spring, getting estimates on gutters and concrete curbing, staining the deck and fence, digging out the plot for the herb garden, building a pony wall in the bathroom, installing crown moulding above the kitchen cabinets, caulking the windows, installing a screen door and reconfiguring the sprinkler system. Oh yeah, he also does the car stuff - since I don't have a driver - like putting air in the tires, buying new windshield wipers, checking the oil, and deciphering the BS from the repair guys. My caterer is the bomb. He makes every meal look like it jumped off the pages of Martha Stewart LIVING. It's color-coordinated, nutritionally balanced, served on real tablecloths at a properly set table with a perfectly suited bottle of wine. He also stocks the refrigerator, pantry, wine cooler and liquor cabinet. We never have anything more than three days old in the fridge and there is more to snack on than rice pudding and pretzel sticks. And when the occasion requires two shots of Patron and one of Grand Marnier, there is always fresh lime juice! Ahhhhh, that would be my fantasy staff. The second part of the horoscope - where I take pretty good care of myself (and my son I would add) - is true. I do deserve props, but I don’t get the part about the tips. Unless it's a tip on a good gutter guy, or house painter, or yard boy . . . .