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Yo Quiero

By Richie Ann Ashcraft
A good friend recently remarked that she found herself a bit jealous wishing she had a baby of her own. For those of you who may find yourself feeling the same this story may put motherhood in a more realistic light and keep you on the Pill. A recent Saturday afternoon found me craving some Taco Bell. SoJo was playing happily on the floor but I was guessing that he might be hungry for some fattening pintos and cheese himself. So I put my unbrushed hair into a half bun half ponytail 'do that I have been so fond of lately (the classic mother hair style I might add), scooped up babycakes and headed for the car. Putting him in the car seat has been remarkably similar to wrestling an alligator into a straight jacket as of late. He arches his back and twists his little body in defiance. But, Mommy always wins and he usually settles down as soon as the car gets moving. Not this time! This time he moaned all the way to the corner light. Two blocks later he turned his pathetic whimper up a few decibels. I reciprocated by turning the radio volume up a few notches. By the time we reached Taco Bell he was in a full fledged temper tantrum. Welcome to Taco Bell…would you like to try our double crunchy cheesy Taco Bell tasting thingy today? “No I’d like two Gorditas, a pintos and cheese, and diet coke please.? (Silence. Weird pause.) Like I can•t hear you? You wanted a what? “Sigh. Repeat? Did you want Baja Gorditas? •Sure. Soren stop it!? Do you want chicken or steak? •Chicken? What else did you want? •Pintos and cheese. Soren, please Stop!.? At this point I unhook the seatbelt and lean over the seat to confront the infant. This only causes him to scream louder. Something undercernable emits from the loud speaker. Look very young Taco Bell girl•&do you not hear my kid??? I think to myself…..How ‘bout this K? Like you throw a tortilla on the buffet and pretend its buck a scoop. Just put some stuff in a tortilla and get me the hell outta here!!!! “Fire sauce.? I say out loud. Mild sauce? •Yeah sure whatever.? When I finally reached the window the poor kid working the drive through had to listen to the ear piercing screaming emitting from my backseat. He thrust a drink at me, took my money, threw the change in the bag and tossed it through the driver•s window. Now that’s what I’m talking about!!! I zoomed home at a speed fast enough to give me a red reading on the speed monitoring device. As soon as I unclipped the car seat the screaming stopped. My baby turned right back into his smiling happy self. And he loved his pintos and cheese...the little brat. “SERENITY NOW!!!!?