Hearts, Smarts! Valentine’s Day 2011

Hello...

      I don’t expect to come home to the dancing shadows of candles cascading throughout my small house…or rose pedals sprinkled on the floor leading to my bedroom. There probably won’t be any soft music playing or a Valentine’s Day violin quartet pining away with their sticks on their strings …an attempt at romance’s own heart strings. A sly, witty lady will not slink out of the shadows in something soft and smelling of the latest perfume to greet me…wearing nothing but what she needs to…making the moment memorable. She will not smile a wry smile, saying nothing at all as she turns to slowly lead me through my small hallway. There will not be a 6-foot tall Champagne Glass Jacuzzi, bubbling in my small room…the Sound of ‘bubble, bubble, bubble escaping from the gaudy girth of the relaxation vessel…
There will be no soft red glow from my room that doubles as my office…a corner light will not illuminate my otherwise cozy cottage of a domicile. Although…all if this would be nice. I will be…Greeted by my friend and feline of 11 years, Kramer. He will speak in ways only he can. I will turn on a lamp and maybe light a candle. But these are things I do and have done in my little single man routine for years. For now, my romance is my Routine and my Routine is my mistress ...and she is so very sweet. She keeps me grounded, content and stable…isn’t that what we’re all looking for in a relationship?

So on this Valentine’s Day 2011…I have a love affair with my ‘Routine”…

Ode to Routine:

Will you be mine…you keeper of time?
So serene my little routine…you tell me when and how
And you always commit…something I have yet to find legit…
You have me up early and tickle my fancy with thoughts of
Work and dark chocolate candy…
If not for you…what would I do?
Flail and fail and slip and slide…
You keep me stuck and steady and more times than not ready…
You had me at Day-timer and that double alarm…
Routine is my mistress and my love is her time…
Same food, same coffee, same toothpaste, same workout …
In the ‘same’ of love…I seductively follow you…
And type you in to my GPS…the Routine goes in…
And you …take me there…same place, same way…same time …every day.
Romance is Routine and my gift is the same…

And:
To all you Happily married, little sick lovebirds... that kiss and kanoodle and feed each other and finish each other sentences...and spend all your Holidays together and always have a coupled Halloween themed costume...Ugh!

My Romantic Memory:
...I was out on the Bering Sea...out of Dutch Harbor, Alaska...And Got a Card... from my then Girlfriend...it said "...Though land and sea separate us...I'm thinking of you and next time I see you ...I'm gonna kiss you with ...Super Glue ...so I don't lose you ."
NOt sure why ...never forgot that one...

Singles Ad: 

Aspiring Bill Gates looking for Mrs. Gigabyte... My Hobbies include ...Metal Detecting, Suspenders of the Month Club and Binary Code Bingo...I like Short Walks to the comic book Store and any video game that doens't have the word "fit" in it. I Dig Glasses...and I'm Bifocul Curious...I like the Jumbles and I salivate at Sudoko and Anime...Are you out there? Be my Girl and I Promise to "pocket" protect you and let you play with my "original” Star Wars Action figures!...

Severe Randomness on My thoughts:

Since I know I won't see cupid...but in a desperate attempt to get something ...I yanked out a tooth and put it under the pillow! helloooo Tooth Fairy!

Disillusioned Heart Candy... or...I've Settled Sugars...

Singles Rejoice! Internet Info: HAPPY SAD DAY! 

What is Singles Awareness Day? SAD
It may have started as a joke, but Singles Awareness Day is now an actual holiday that is widely discussed and celebrated. Sometimes called "National Singles Awareness Day" or "Single's Awareness Day," it's celebrated any time between February 13 and 15. Some people celebrate on Valentine's Day itself, while others prefer to avoid the commercialism and pressure of February 14.
It's a chance for people who aren't in a romantic relationship to celebrate their single status, rather than feeling bad because they aren't living the fairy tale romance that Valentine's Day is all about. Single's Awareness Day is sometimes ironically abbreviated to "SAD," and singles will often wish each other "Happy SAD!"
Courtesy: Suite101.com

MORE RANDOMNESS: 

-There are some Crazy Mo-Fo’s at there in the World. Just Say'in...

- Egypt is Free…for now! Archaic and Autocratic Leader out... or behind the scenes and nobody in…uh oh!

- Validation...is an internal smile that shines through when you do what you do ...just because it's what you like to do..
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich..." Napoleon..

- Insight is the ability to see you as others see you...Hindsight gets me no where...It's "Out-Sight" that allows me to set my sights on what I once thought was impossible...Stars are for the picking...and planets are for the planting...In order for me to grow..

On my Facebook page I asked the question …”What is the Most Romantic Valentines Day Gift you ever got? Here are a few of the answers:

- A fishing pole. Shea

- Tool Box . Sharon

- ‎5 years ago, my hubby took me to dinner and then gave me the signed contract for the house I had been pining over for months. Juli

- Dinner , carriage ride and Roses: Nicole

- I was married on Valentine's Day in 2009. It lasted 10 months. I think this Valentine's Day I'll wear a black arm-band. Craig

- Two hands to squeeze, (was in labor) Renee

- For most of my married years, I never got anything for Valentine's Day. But, there was always some random day in February that was called Randee Day. That was romantic in and of itself. Randee

- Finding my bathroom decorated with confetti, cards and candy. Julie

My next big project:
The pork- Free Phantom…First Superhero with Cholesterol issues…

Sooo...Happy Valentines Day to Singles, Dating and married and ‘Whatnots’…

It’s a commercial way to be romantic…so why not?

And oh yeah...Kramer...I love you ya silly little tree rat...

DAVE

Thinking about Thinking…One Grateful Dude.

The 80's and Ray-Bans are back! At least I think so...Flashback in my Mind! Personal Party! Yippeee! 

Hello!

I’m a work in Progress. A pea waiting to be picked. A roundabout waiting to be rounded. A parking space waiting to be backed-in parked’…A tax form waiting to be signed…a homeless guy hoping for a buck from a kind passer-by. I’m a bachelor’s refrigerator crisper tray waiting for one more Taco Bell Spice packet to complete my 10 year-old collection. I’m opportunity …waiting for a text message. I’m inspiration…just a ‘send’ away. I’m idiot just a ‘knuck,’ ‘knuck’, ‘knuck’ away from an double-eye finger poke. I’m the captain of my ship…looking more like Gilligan than Jack Sparrow…and I’m sober these days…and for that …I’m a grateful dude.

That little Sunday morning paragraph of silly reflection …is what I think I am. That’s okay. Most people don’t think to think about what they think about or who they are. I owe 8 months of rehab and 25 years of drinking for my introspective,
Humor- deflecting, self-deprecating look at who I am. What Dave Allgood brings to his little table planted here on terra firma…Mother Earth. “Pass the peas and cheese please?” I have to take a look at me a lot these days…hairline receding, wrinkles slapped in the corner of my eyes, wrapping around the sneaky little bags of age. My constant battle with myself to not over-think things and to make peace with the fact that… when it comes to relationships…. commitment and me might not ever walk down the isle of matrimony or even a 12 month magazine subscription. Just picking a movie can cause sweats and post ‘movie picking’ remorse. I.e. “is it the right movie?” can I “ give my full attention for more than 2 hours?”
I’ve been renting a lot of movies lately. The barometer of a good movie? If you pause it when you go to the bathroom…’Good Movie’ …if the Person you’re with says, “ Do you want me to pause it?”…As you head to the bathroom and you say “nah…” …’NOT a Good Movie….’ And if you stay in the Bathroom reading Uncle John’s Almanac and lighting matches just to watch the flame…. while your legs go numb…’really , really , really not a good movie.

Amuck. I like that word. Run amuck. Rent a truck. Silly, Sank, Stuck…in a muck.

Super Bowl XLV is Today. Steelers & Packers. Sounds like a shady Moving Company doesn’t it?
- My Prediction? A lot of people will get drunk and fat.
- My other Prediction? Packers will win big. The Power of Cheese!

My cat Kramer is doing well after is mouth surgery. He’s hopped up on a Narcotics patch taped to his back leg. His eyes have been dilated for the last four days…He looks like Puss in Boots trying to be really endearing and sweet …in the movie Shrek. And the drugs and surgery? Making Kramer poop in the shower again! That’s not a litter Box! Always a nice surprise…Poop! Why thank you! 

Good things in my World:

- Yoga Vinyassa at the Albertson’s Shopping center. Has Changed my World and now I can bend over and pick up change without snapping like postal worker.

- Alcoholics Anonymous: Best therapy a $1.00 can buy. Thanks guys….Shhhh. You know who you are. One Day at a Time. Thank God.

My Friends and the Valley has some pretty cool people doing good things.
Check out My Allgood News on the Radio…You can catch it on… The Moose 100.7, KNZZ, The Vault 92.3, Magic 93.1, The Team 1340, KStar 96.1 …3 times a day…7 days a week.
Or just go to my website for Pictures, Podcasts and a little ‘more’ to the story.
TheAllgoodNews.Com

This week? For Valentines? A story about Jenna Fisher. The Fruita High Grad, who goes to Mesa State…and oh yeah? Last year this time? She got a New Heart. You would never know it…Check it out…Cool young lady.

Okay …I’m off to yoga. Oh and the best thing I’ve discovered this week? I don’t have to be on Facebook all the time and…A sprinkle of cinnamon in my coffee is quite tasty…
Go be Nice will ya!?

DAVE
 

Movies in ‘3-D’ for Dysfunction: Phooled by Pringles and Jingles.

1-27-2011      

Hello,

       Whispering in a theater is like farting in a phone booth…for some reason people think you won’t notice. This was the scenario unfolding between a couple seated in front of me the other day… it went something like this; I’m paraphrasing... “Did you want butter on your popcorn?”…(In a breathy, loud whispery voice…) the girl ‘talk-whispers’ back… “You know I don’t like butter…Gawh!” …The dude, a little put out at this point, obviously not liking the girl’s “gawh!” ... “Well…if you knew what you wanted why didn’t you get the damn popcorn yourself?”…Whispering not really happening now…. She says... “Well …maybe I will…I just thought since we’ve been together for almost 2 years you might know what I like on my popcorn…!” Long silent, uncomfortable? pause here. I was feeling like this might be it…and I might be able to watch the movie now…haha…but no…more loud whispery agitated theater speak coming… “I really can’t believe you got butter on the Popcorn…” longer pause… the couple staring straight ahead, body language a little icy, she leaning right, he leaning left…then the dude makes a crucial man-mistake he tells her to “ Let it go “ uh oh, I think to myself…LONGER PAUSE…and then…you knew it was coming she takes a deep breath and leans in like a cobra…and spews…(no whispering now!).... “YOU let it go!” …And then she explodes up, grabbing her coat …all in one move, shoves the popcorn bucket against the dude’s chest…and storms down the isle. LONG silence…the dude staring straight ahead…he reaches in the bucket, slowly chomps on some ‘buttered popcorn’…and then mumbles something, for the first time in 10 minutes I finally can’t hear him and I’m assuming he’s gonna go after her…silly me!...assuming… another mumble as the dude sinks lower into his seat. And just when I thought it was over…out of the tunnel she appears…the girl comes back up the stairs…she seems inspired…she makes a bee-line for the dude…points her finger in his face and lets him have it with just 3 words…and …no whispering this time… “You’re an Asshole!”… The dude stays slinked in his seat, the girl punctuating her final statement with another angry poke at his bucket of corn, she then whips her head around in dramatic and cinematic fashion and walks slowly off this time. Someone to the right of me lightly claps…nervous laughter from bubbles up from behind me and then someone actually does the “shoooosh”. The Movie? ‘True Grit’…the action? Better than 3-D right in front of me. Who knew?...Butter can be the grease on the wheels of the Break-up...

Random Thoughts:

- 96 and pretty cool dude: R.I.P. Jack Lalanne: And if you’re like all the young people in my office who had no idea who he was. GOOGLE him! Gawh! Lol.
He made jumpsuits cool, jumping jacks fun and from what I hear…was one of the nicest guys in the Fitness business.

  (Jack Lalanne...Designer of the Modern Fitness Movement and Snappy dresser.) 

- 96 and still kick’in it! Feminist, former Daily Sentinel Columnist and all-around neat lady, Henrietta Hay. She’s the latest subject of The Allgood News . Spry and all there…it was fun to visit with her at Hilltop, where she lives… and get her perspective on our country and her world. You can hear her story on my Website: TheAllgoodNews.Com

( Henrietta Hay and Me at Hilltop Community 1-18-2011)

More Randomness:

- Pringles are only 50% potato. I have no idea what the other 50% is.

- Taco Bell’s Ground Beef is only 80% Ground Beef. The other 20%? Bubble wrap and Funyuns?   

- I love the weather in Grand Junction.

Stranger than Fiction:

From the “Why” Category: 

    Why will a Facebook person you’ve never met… recognize you in public…and not say a word? ..But,  will immediately head for their computer and post on Facebook: “ I saw you at Wal-mart!...te he te he!” ...I’m thinking…why didn’t you say hello? We live in strange times when people would rather “Text” than “Talk” and would rather “Post” than “Speak”. “Te he!” & ‘lol’.

Dave

Status Updates and Flaming Hula Girls…

1-22-2011

Hello, 

      My life is nothing more than a status update on a Facebook page. I look at the pictures looking back at me on this electronic futuristic device called a com-pu-‘tor’…pictures of me, most …taken by me, of me being me…Hiking, driving, walking, working…all glowing back at me every time I fire up the comput-or-a-torium of magical mystery goodness. Any image that can be captured from an arm’s distance away…‘mobile uploaded’ and posted to a computer ‘cork board’ for all others to see. A whisk of a thought, a ‘cut & paste’ piece of information snatched from cyber space and guided to my profile. A disseminator of information…or better yet… “Look what I found everybody!” … “I just had to share this metal spork with you!” ‘la la la la ta da!’

A candle on my desk this Saturday morning as I’m typing, pausing, sipping coffee. The candle? It’s one of those ‘three-wickers’…as if one wick is not enough? Three Wicks… so I can see better? The ‘Wickees of Eastwick’? … My mind as focused as a 4 year-old in a candy shop…having momentary visions of Cher and Jack Nicolson in a tryst over the tri-wick…and black magic and …why do Yankee Candles cost so much?

...My desk lights don’t seem to think I need that vanilla candle…I just think they’re jealous of a ‘non-electric’ way to see in the dark. So…I guess the only reason to have a candle if not to see better, (is this 1813?)… is to enjoy the way it makes my otherwise stagnant desk come alive…little flaming hula dancers out of the corner of my left eye…moving to the sound of an imaginary ukulele.
My buddies Simon and Garfunkel have popped up on the corner of my computer compliments of Pandora…they’re mellowing me out to a little ditty they call ‘Kathy’s Song’…

The words waft from behind the candle over the red, glowing faces of the three hip shaking sirens…softly landing in my brain…

“And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To England where my heart lies….
My mind's distracted and diffused…”

I heard a song once called … ‘Why walk if you can fly?’ I’m thinking … “Why Fly when you can walk?” … Why drive when you can hitchhike? Nope, not for me…because…if you hitchhike you lose radio privileges…and lord knows what kind of music a person plays who picks up hitchhikers.

Random Thoughts:

- Why can’t we have 2 Presidents? Just seems like a better plan these days. A ‘lefty’ and a ‘righty’…we’d be an ambidextrous country! No more leaning this way …or that way.

- “Seriously…!?”
That’s my favorite new word. As in: “Seriously!? (and yes! You always have a “!” and a “?” behind it…)…you just stopped in a roundabout? Seriously!?”
or: ‘Seriously!? You put your trash cans out 2 days early? Seriously!?”

- Smoking. Why?... “Seriously!?”
“Well Dave, we just don’t like to breath ‘your’ air…we like our smoky, chemical’ee’ air! So there! …’Seriously!?’

- Comedians I miss:
Phil Hartman
Chris Farley
Dave Chapell (I know …he’s still alive…but he dropped off the face of the earth in 2006 in his prime.)
John Candy

My cat and friend and former drinking buddy, Kramer, is having a little surgery done soon…getting most of his teeth pulled. I think it’s good for both of us…I get a cat with better breath and Kramer? He gets to live out his dream of eating nothing but soft, gooey, mushy, juicy cat food for the rest of his life. Lucky! …Seriously!?

Dave
 

MLK Day. Go Fly a Kte!

1-17-2011

Hello,

     Martin Luther King Jr. was born in the year 1929 in the city of Atlanta. A lot of people don’t realize that he in fact… he was a kid at one point in his life. Yup, he liked to ride his bike on Sunset Adams Street; he played baseball and football and …loved to fly a kite. Oh, and as a young kid growing up in Atlanta…he had a paper route. Just a kid.

Although I have never had any myself...I understand that they (kids) do pretty well if you let them be well… kids. Show ‘em a little love and teach them respect and kindness toward their fellow kiddos. But apparently, parenting and a love for your fellow man have been dropped from the manual of ‘Social indoctrination 101’…The original manual on ‘Common Sense’ and ‘Being Nice’ to people…Oh…it’s probably in a library somewhere shoved back in a musty closet, filed away on a top shelf, irretrievable because it was categorized under the Dewey Decimal system. An archaic system…kind-a like segregation. An ‘Ark of the Covenant’ if you will… Do we need to send Indiana Jones on a mission!? Find the ‘Covenant of Common Sense’ and get it back here quick! We got a nation of notions and selfishness. Indiana might consider it too much! Even for him…Plus Harrison Ford is getting up there in age…he might have to do it on a ‘Mobility’ Scooter with a baby Bull Whip and a bottle of Ensure! (Commercial Voice): “Ensure…let it put some pep in your step so you don’t slip your hip…yes! Ensure…for the Wild in You that never takes a Nap at 2…!”
Kids are like little sponges…if they see Mommy and Daddy act all crazy…guess what little kiddy doo? Act all kiddy krazy. So I have a little Martin Luther King Jr. Day wish to all of you… Dreams. That’s it. Have one or a ton!  And... teach your kids to be nice…and respectful. Oh and those Dreams? Go fly a kite. It’s a good lesson in looking to the sky and holding on by a thread. 

Happy Monday,

Dave