Quiznos? Why that sounds foreign to me! We already gots the Glade Park Grand Prix!

March 3rd, 2011

Howdeeee! 

Race? Race? We don’t need no Stink’in 2- wheeled , sissy-fide race sponsored by a samich companee….! The Colorado National Monument already has a race everyday! Gawh!...What’s wrong with ya'll!

 It’s called the Glade Park Grand Prix!

It’s exciting too! All sorts of Classes! You got the No Muffler Pick-me-up Truck…you got the 100-ton Dualee-thingy-ruin-the-road dumpy Truckys ! They Go fastsssss and makes lots of noises! I even seen me a Pinto once! Them’s the ones that’s got that finicky gas tank? You know?…that might’n splode on ya if’n you ain’t too careful. That’s why I got me some of them ‘Yosemitie Sam Mud flaps’ for my 1971 non-emission super smokey truck that I’s race up that there’n hill on …Them flaps say “Back-Off” with ole Yosemite there hold’in him a couple of dose cartooney pistols! We gets to see us some cartoonies when dey have old-timey pie and moving pictures nights up in the grass by that domey thingy…its funnnnn! And Friday Nights ? Just t ry and Squeeze a Penny between all the Cars rac’in up that purdy National Monument…why it sounds and looks like New York CITY! Yee Haw!

And …the Glade Park Grand Prix keeps the East gate of the Monument Biz-EEEE! So I can’t imag’in they would have no times for any ole bicycle race. And Anyhoo… How’s I gonna gets to Walmart and Home Depots if’n I’s gots to go downs Little Parks access….??? I Pay my Taxes and dang’it …I’m gonna Race down that hill liken everyobee else! !!!!

I’ do likes the challenge of RAC’in and Rubb’in! Just like thems NASCAR boys! When I come scream’in down to that East gate…I’m just look’in for that checkered flag!…I made it in 3 mins once…It was more of an accident really...My Brakes went out on my 1976 Monte Carlo! 'He He'... Imagine that…~! I don’t remember much…just’n that People were really scream’in at me …I think’s they were cheer’in me on…the way they were wav’in with such a sense of intensiteee…and runn’in away from my fast Monte Carlo …like they’d never sent anything likes it…Yup! It’s a Race evereeday on the Monument …We don’t see much wildlife on the East gate of the RACE …probably causen all da Rac’in and the noise and the smell…I still use leaded Gasoline! Make it myself…makes my car go faster! Secret ingredient? ‘lead!” as in Lead Foot! Hehehehe!!!....
And the Roads on the East side on our Race-Track? They get all ‘crackly’ and stuff… with pot-holes…causen we’s racin everyday!! Some say they should fixn it…I say it’s more of a challenz!
Nope... there’s not enough room for another race on the Monument…We been doing it for years…we don’t needs no strangers on 2-wheels com’in to our mountain and mess’in up things…

You know…they say that Monument is a Beaty-full Park…gotta be honest here…Never noticed…to me…It’s Point A to Point B!...I gotta tell ya…they need more Trash cans…Too..I got nowhere to throw my cans! Dang it!

OH …You know the best thing about Rac’in up the East Gate of the Monument? …I forgots…We don’t even have to PAY! It’s FREE! … to RACE! It’s Better than that Bananas Fun Park! WE just say somtun like “ Hey Park person…(he he)…I live up on Glade Park,…(Hehe)…” and they believe us! Imagine that! It’s toooo much!!!! 

So if’n you want to Race up that there Colorado National Monument…Just tell ‘em you’re coming to see me…I don’t live there…but they don’t know that!
…and they’ll give you the ‘Green Flag!” …and “Shazammm! “ You is off to the Races! 4 Miles of Gett’in it on!!! Up our own personal Race Track dodging tourists and them bikers in them circus shorts…( they don’t like it when you get close! They 'hem and Hollar' and give ya that one fingered Saloot …he he he he! )

NOPE…we are just fine with no Quiznos silly Bikey RACE …we got this under control…ANd Heck everybody knows that Qrazy Quiznos Bicycle Race? It would interfere with the Mission of the Monument! DUH!....To provide a safe and Zippy Highway up to Glade Park! Gawh!  I am smarter than a Prairie Dawg! 

You want a challenge? Just try and find one of them Horny Sheep on the East Side of the Race Track!...Gooooddddd Luck! Yuk yuk yuk! 

Anyhoo…I gotta put this in the Mail and race on up back to the “Park” Dat’s funny really…Race on up!…we race all the time…!

The really Funny Part about all this talk’in about Bikey Rac’in …? Nobody Asked me…! …(pause) …hahahahahahahahaha….But then they didn’t have too…I don’t live there…I just race it!

Oh and Here's the Kicker! If you want to see me Race?...It's gonna cost ya more this year! The Folks at the Park ...They just raised the Price for you "Non-Rac'in" Folk to step into my Lair of Rac'in-ness! And See me doing what I do...Free for me...too bad for you...Nana nana Boo Hoo! Don't cry too much little non-Rac'in babies!  

Soooo... as my Favorite Race Car Driver, Ricky Bobby  says..."Shake and Bake Ya'll!" and " If you ain't first...You're Last!"   See you at the Top~! DAng...Is that a critter on my Hood? Dinner! Damn...I'm funny! 

LOL!   (wink!...)

XXOO

Davey