Totally Useless “Ice Cream’ and Coconuts.

Hello There....

When Twitter fluttered onto the scene people were like “ what can you say in a 140 characters or less that’s meaningful?...It’s useless…” So is Ice cream …so should we do away with that? Bobbleheads and Lava Lamps serve no real purpose, they’re distracting really...but people seem to enjoy them. The Hula Girl(s) that sit on my desk and the 12 year-old cat in my lap aren’t really adding to society or helping with world issues…so should I say “C’este la vie?” … “Scat Cat!...And you with the Grass Skirt!...yeah you….Hula-hoop right off my desk you Tropical beauty!”

What I would really find useless is a Zip line to everywhere I need to be on a daily basis…useless to you maybe…but zippy to me. ..Dave of the urban jungle Zipping above the hustle and bustle of the 4-way stops and roundabouts …with the ease of a “Fabio-esque” flyer. Without all the flair of the hair and the chest of an Adonis …although Charlie Sheen has given me flashbacks of my last drinking binge with his repeated use of Adonis DNA and Tiger’s Blood…oh wait!...there is another useless item…the Charlie Sheen. Although he seems to connect with a section of our society starved for more than the banal, raw and now mind numbing reality T.V. that scars the airwaves and minds of adults…I’m not worried about the kids…they’re resilient! It’s us middle-age ‘40 somethings’ that I’m concerned with!...What’s that stuff doing to my already impressionable and wishy-washy brain? I’m close to mid-life crisis here!…And seeing Snooki and Sheen cracking up could just send me to Survivor Island where I would be the weird cast member who starts eating his shoes while saying “yummy!” with a devilish grin…over and over and over…While staring wild-eyed at the other contestants from atop a coconut tree…battling a monkey for a banana. And throwing my own poop. Reality Shows are the Acid of the middle-aged…Why? Because my reality is getting distorted…see…kids they think that’s normal so they are Twittering and Facebooking and Skyping their way through a flowery field of Social Networking…while people my age are looking awkward and distorted trying to keep up and be ‘Kool’ ….But… texting “Keep on Truck’in”…loses a lot of meaning from the ‘send’ button to the receiver…most times the response is…”?”.

(Topsail Beach, NC  Jolly Roger Pier. courtesy: Surf City Steve)

Yup …It burns…the smell of my 46 year-old recovering alcoholic brain…when the drain of social media and strain of crappy T.V. soaks its way through my cranium and oozes into my synapses …The lines are getting BLURRED!... or do I just need reading glasses?...either way ...I do what most middle-aged men do…Snap into a Nap…!

Then, I wake–up ...regroup and pretend its all a dream and I’m back on that North Carolina beach where I grew up in the 70’s the Sun making everything soft and shadowy …the smell of the ocean…the constant ‘cush…cush…” of the waves slapping the wet sand, me smelling of coconut tanning oils …on my banana bike…making my way to the Jolly Roger Pier, the squeel and squak of the seagulls fills the thick air…the flyers calling out to each other and reminding the lethargic loungers below to beware of unexpected ‘hellos’ from above…the wheels turning and making a ‘crispy’ sound against the tattered beach pavement glittered with sand…I park my bike and head barefoot up the splintery wood steps of the pier…to the bait shop…to get some of that cool and totally ‘useless’…ice cream.

Dave.

BONUS:

The 'Pinto El Camino' 

I was Beside and Behind this Car on Wednesday, March 16th 2011, The rare Hybrid 'El Camino PINTO'...that apparently survived the "Cash for Clunkers Program" ....and yes that is a Crack in Your Computer Screen ...not my Windshield...Didn't they stop making Pintos in March of 1974?...Beware the Pintos of March!

Dave