Lights out or not? Pros and cons to impending end of the world

QUICKREAD

THE MAYANS BETTER NOT BE RIGHT BECAUSE…

1. There is a royal birth pending. Prince William and Kate Middleton won’t have their baby/future monarch/next tabloid obsession until next year.

2. Taylor Swift’s uncertain love life. Although she’s made a career off her broken heart, the world waits for her to find “the one.”

3. “Les Miserables” doesn’t come out until Christmas Day.

4. The Chicago Cubs haven’t won a World Series since 1908.

5. The A&E series “Duck Dynasty” has only been on for two seasons.

6. Shark Week.

7. Peyton Manning plays for the Broncos.

8. Sweet potato fries are becoming more common on restaurant menus.

9. Rascal Flatts is scheduled to perform at Country Jam in 2013.

10. Brad and Angelina have a wedding pending…

11. ...so does Jennifer Aniston. Thank goodness.

12. The Mesa County Libraries’ Central Library is under construction and the plans look promising.

13. Sean Lowe’s season of “The Bachelor” hasn’t aired yet…

14. ...neither has Season 3 of “Downton Abbey.” (It begins Jan. 6.)

15. Tim Tebow deserves better. Actually, we all do. The Jets are a disaster.

16. Airlines have yet to allow passengers to use cell phones mid-flight.

17. There are still vineyards making red and white wine.

18. George Lucas sold the rights to “Star Wars” to Disney, so who knows what happens next?

19. Christmas music is awesome.

20. No one else will be able to predict the end of the world.

IT’S COOL IF THE MAYANS ARE RIGHT BECAUSE…

1. Honey Boo Boo is famous.

2. Legwarmers are back in style.

3. Notre Dame is relevant in college football again.

4. Talk of the “fiscal cliff” will end, or, I guess, talk in general.

5. The most watched YouTube clip of all time is PSY’s “Gangnam Style.”

6. Someone needs to save Lindsay Lohan from herself.

7. Airport security lines are frustrating, particularly when the people in front of you are “unaware” that, in 2012, full bottles of water and pocket knives can’t be carried onto airplanes.

8. Black Friday now starts on Thanksgiving, which, at last check, has never fallen on a Friday.

9. Some Americans get their political news from Comedy Central.

10. Lutefisk will disappear. The gelatinous dried fish soaked in lye smells and tastes like the end of the world.

11. NBC is planning a rendition of “Sound of Music” starring Carrie Underwood. The only way to make that OK, is if the actress/singer’s name was Julie Andrews and it was 1965.

12. There is a whipped cream-flavored vodka.

13. Calories.

14. Marijuana has been legalized.

15. The NHL could end its lockout.

16. Daniel Craig revitalized James Bond.

17. Performance-enhancing drugs have wrecked some sports and probably some lives of the people who chose to cheat.

18. Auto-Tune has rendered it impossible to tell which pop stars can actually sing.

19. We’d find out if cockroaches, duct tape and Twinkies can survive an apocalypse.

20. Someone would finally be right about predicting the end of the world.

The end.

By Melinda Mawdsley
Friday, December 14, 2012

The world is scheduled to end this month.

The date, specifically, is Friday, Dec. 21, which, for those looking forward to Christmas and/or the release of “Les Miserables,” is a bummer. For those disinterested in another University of Colorado football season, however, it could all be over.

Although the date of the world’s end is specified in some interpretations of the Mayan calendar, the exact time is not spelled out. If it ends all at once, well, it does. On the other hand, if the world ends first in Japan then continues a catastrophic westward march, it’s likely somebody will update his or her Facebook status to give us in the Western United States a heads up.

Either way, Grand Junction is ready to party. Among the events scheduled to mark “the end”:

■ Party Like There’s No Tomorrow electronic dance party will go from 9 p.m. until closing Friday, Dec. 21, at Sabrosa, 122 S. Fifth St., with DJs Goe Goe, Chamber Bot and Strangefellow. It’s free, but only those 21 and older are allowed.

■ Doomsday: End of the World Celebration will be from 9 p.m. until close Friday, Dec. 21, at Mesa Theater and Lounge, 538 Main St. Local bands Shotgun Hodown, Jack+Jill and Pineapple Crackers will play. Tickets cost $8 in advance or $10 the day of the show, which is open to all ages. Doors open at 8 p.m.

■ End of the World Party at Cruisers will be on Thursday, Dec. 20. Dance with music by DJ Dustin from KAFM.

Jack+Jill band member Aaron Seibert put the Mesa Theater Doomsday event together, figuring the date fell on a Friday and the end of the world was as good a reason as any to party. Local DJ David Goe had the same reasons for putting together the event at Sabrosa.

Those fearful that Friday, Dec. 21, really will be the day it all ends — the TV show “Doomsday Preppers” has taught us that there are some legitimately worried about Earth’s fate — take solace that NASA, in response to Internet rumors, posted on its website that “the world will not end in 2012 ... credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012.”

If, however, NASA is wrong, and the world ends, this is your final Out & About. So I compiled a list of reasons why it would stink if it’s all over and reasons why it’s OK if the Mayans are right.

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