On the Goe: revamp JUCO music

There are two things St. Mary Hospital’s babies are born knowing. One: Every 10 years or so some fool strolls into town touting new alchemy to turn oil shale into money. Two: The in-game music at JUCO hurts more than a line drive to the face.

This is the column I was born to write. This is 29 years in the making.

Finally, I’ve got the proper forum to put the JUCO committee on notice. It’s time to step up your game, folks. The fans and common decency demand it.

The city just completed an $8.3 million stadium renovation (which looks awesome by the way) and the best we’ve got to pump up the crowd for the marquee night games is Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s On First?” The last time that was funny was 1945, when the sketch debuted.

Oh, I don’t want to forget about Terry Cashman’s “Talkin’ Baseball,” a soft rock dribbler about a bunch of dead Hall of Famers, who I’m willing to bet, less than a quarter of the fans in the stands know, let alone care about. What a snooze fest.

You can set your watch to these songs. They come on exactly the same time before the night games.

Predictability is never an admirable trait, especially when it comes to music.

Wouldn’t the Black Eyed Peas “Let’s Get It Started” or the Rolling Stones’ “Start Me Up” be better choices? How about U2’s “Get On Your Boots?” AC/DC “Thunderstruck?”

This isn’t exactly oil shale science here. Hell, even “I Wanna Rock” by Twisted Sister would be better.

Let me get this straight. I’ve got to fork over $35 for a tournament pass, $145 if I want reserved seats in the new addition, and you’re still rolling with Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” every time a home run is hit?

I’ve got to sit through Rednex “Cotton Eyed Joe,” the worst, and I mean worst, techno song ever recorded, each time there is a pitching change?

What, was the Goodwill sold out of used Jock Jam’s CDs? This is the best the committee can come up with? That’s weak sauce.

Anyone who has been to a Major League Baseball game knows this kind of stuff doesn’t fly.

When was the last time you visited Coors Field and they were bumping “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” as sung by the cast of “Leave It to Beaver?”

The answer is “never.”

They’ve got hip hop and Top 40. They keep it moving, lively and fun.

There is no Dave Matthews Band’s “Crash,” literally the most inappropriate stadium jam ever to be found.

Where are the Black Keys, Beyonce, Rihanna, Foster the People, MGMT and Muse?

What about Flo Rida, Calvin Harris, LMAFO and Taylor Swift?

People are paying big bucks to go to Country Jam ... Zac Brown Band can’t get any love?

I’ve been going to JUCO games my whole life, and I love it. JUCO is one of the few things that make Grand Junction a special place, and I want it to succeed.

With that said, the game entertainment is lame, and it doesn’t do the event justice.

I refuse to think that people listen to Wilson Phillips “Hold On” in a non-ironical way.

If JUCO wants to be a big time event, which it clearly does, it’s time to start working on the small details to take the fan experience to the next level.

Let’s dump the playlist and start fresh. It’s an easy fix, and it’ll cost a hell of a lot less than $8.3 million. 

David Goe is a programmer for KAFM 88.1 Community Radio. His show airs at 9 p.m. the first Friday and first Saturday of each month. You can email Goe at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or follow him on Twitter at @David_Goe.


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