Show off your unintentional fashion style

Forget about the economy or the Gulf oil spill, we have a greater challenge to tackle — namely, getting men to wear their baseball hats normally.

It was several years ago when you first noticed young men wearing their cap sideways. You weren’t sure if this was an accident or not, so you wanted to go up to one of them and say, “Excuse me, but your hat is on sideways.” You didn’t, of course, because guys who think it’s OK to wear their hat sideways tend to be the kind of guys who think it’s OK to put their fist through your eye socket.

So you kept quiet, knowing this trend was similar to other annoying fads, like ‘N Sync or the Sacagawea coin, and therefore would eventually go away.

Unfortunately it didn’t, and some guys are still wearing their hats with bill pointing to the side, which is actually OK in that it’s become a way for most of us normal people to predetermine, just on looks, who is intelligent or not. I’m not saying that guys who wear their hat sideways are stupid. I’m just saying that if you saw someone go into cardiac arrest and needed help, you wouldn’t rush up to a sideways hat guy and ask him if he knew “CPR” because he’d probably respond by asking you how to spell it.

And while we’re on the subject of fashion, let’s talk about you people who wear sweats around town in non-gym settings. Let’s make a gender requirement, because while there’s something sexy about a physically fit woman in sweats, with messy hair, and a shiny glow of perspiration after a workout, the same cannot be said of men. A sweating man with unkempt hair, walking around downtown in sweat pants doesn’t look like he just finished working out. Eating out, maybe.

A fashion faux pas I personally love is when you see a guy driving around without a shirt on. I don’t know why, but I always find this hilarious. I’ve never done it myself, even when I didn’t have air conditioning. Call me old fashioned, but I just generally prefer to wear clothes while driving.

It’s like the signs you see at restaurants: “No shoes. No Shirt. No Service.” I don’t understand why we even have to post these types of signs. I’ve never once thought to myself: “Well, here I am barefoot without a shirt on. Might as well go to Olive Garden. Give the ladies a treat.”

But don’t listen to me, because apparently I’m not very fashion conscious.

I learned this the other day while reading the fashion section in last Friday’s “Out & About,” wherein a New York Times fashion writer described how men in Manhattan are rolling up their pant legs so that the bottom of their pants stops 3 or 4 inches above the shoes. The New York Times claims the look says “casual.” Maybe. But to the rest of us, the look says, “I bought the wrong-sized pants.”

In an actual quote from the article, a style maven from GQ magazine explains how to pull off this look. “The roll has to feel a bit unintentional.”

But how do you intentionally look unintentional? The answer lies in another actual quote from the GQ fashion expert: “You have to channel Johnny Depp for that moment and ask yourself, ‘How would Johnny Depp roll up the bottom of his pants.’ “

This is how fashion deprived I am: Not once have I ever thought about how Johnny Depp puts his pants on. I’m usually just happy if I wind up with the zipper in front.

But that’s what the New York fashion experts are telling us to do this year. Stupid? Maybe. But I can’t make a judgment about their intelligence. I don’t know them.

But I’m pretty sure I know how they wear their hats.

E-mail Steve Beauregard at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).


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