‘TWILIGHT’ FANS: I like you. But Bella, not so much

Photo by Dean Humphrey—from left, Twilight movie fans Breanne Lee and Meghan Napper (Twi Moms)at a showing of one of movies at Regal Cinemas 14.—- Sent as twilight moms 110911



Follow writer Rachel Sauer as she attends Regal Cinemas 14’s next Twilight Tuesday on Nov. 15. And if you see her at the theater, be sure to tell her how much you luv “Twilight.” Or just email her: Rachel. .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

So, here are BreAnne Lee and Meghan Napper, Twi-Moms both, resplendent in Hot Topic’s best “Twilight” T-shirts, enthusiastic fonts of information, up to the task of convincing me.

Between the lines, it’s made clear: I don’t know. I don’t even know.

Dear Twilight Journal,

I don’t know. But I’m about to learn.


Rachel Sauer

BreAnne and Meghan are two of the administrators of the Twilight Moms Club on Facebook, a worldwide contingent of Twi-Hards more than 4,000 strong. To say they know a thing or two about Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” saga is to say that Jacob’s a little hairy when he goes all wolfy.

They know everything — everything — about this saga, and they kindly agreed to accompany me to the Twilight Tuesday screening of “New Moon” at Regal Cinemas 14.

They are awesome and smart and hilarious and…

Dear Twilight Journal,

Would it be too weird if I asked them if we could be friends?


Rachel Sauer

... and a little obsessed (Meghan’s license plate: MSCULLN). If anyone could explain it, they could.

Ladies, I implored, please explain it to me.

It’s the story, Meghan said, and the world in which the story exists. It’s captivating.

It’s possible get caught up and carried away, BreAnne said — by the adventure, by the romance, by the excitement and danger and the possibility that beyond every bend in the road is something entirely new.

Plus, she added, there’s the element of begin able to relate. People get their hearts broken, like Edward broke Bella’s. They love people who don’t love them in the same way, like poor ol’ Jacob. They marvel at the wonder and mystery of the unknown.

They sit in a chair for four months straight, apparently, staring melodramatically out the window while their dad rakes the leaves, but they don’t even offer to help and their hair hits the (oil) bottle and the WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE revolves around them because NOBODY could POSSIBLY understand their pain because nobody in the entire history of humankind ever broke up with a boyfriend before which makes it perfectly OK to selfishly use kind-hearted boys named Jacob because heaven forbid establishing an identity unrelated to whatever guy happens to be sparkling/sweating nearby and HEAVEN FORBID ever smiling and take it from someone who has broken bones as an adult by tripping on level ground and ends each year with at least three new scars CLUMSY IS NOT CHARMING IT’S TRAGIC AND YOU’RE ONLY SELECTIVELY CLUMSY AS IT SUITS THE MOMENT WHAT THE HOLY HECK…

Dear Let’s Toss Bella into a Volcano Society members,

The meeting’s been changed to 7 p.m. Saturday at my house. Bring brownies.


Rachel Sauer

The miracle was, Meghan and BreAnne think Bella can be annoying, too! They admit to trudging through the middle of “New Moon,” too! Oh, happy day!

They advised me not to let her get me down. If she’s bothering me, ignore her. This advice served me well in kindergarten, and it serves me well now.

And talk about all the difference in the world! Seeing “New Moon” with funny, friendly Twi-Moms, hearing them laugh at lines they know by heart, hearing them sigh, seeing them smile and get caught up in the story, well… I felt the stirrings of interest.

Seeing “Twilight” alone was a very inward experience, a very icky-twisting-ball-of-yuck-in-my-troubled-heart experience.

But seeing “New Moon” with Meghan and BreAnne? I enjoyed it! Mostly! And they’d be the last people in the world to judge me as a pervy old cougar for thinking Jacob’s pretty smokin’ with his shirt off.

That community of support, of camaraderie and of kindred-spiritedness is key, I think. Even though I know I’ll never love Bella, even though I secretly think Edward’s a drama queen, even though the “Twilight” books probably won’t become the ones for which I reach when I need the comfort of an old friend, I’m liking this “Twilight” world more each day.

In fact, I’m looking forward to “Eclipse” on Tuesday. Meghan and BreAnne assure me it’s excellent.

And! I think I just might camp out with the Twilight faithful before the 12:01 a.m. Nov. 18 showing of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1.”

Dear Twilight Journal,

Here’s hoping they’ll bring brownies. And here’s REALLY hoping they’ll share with me.


Rachel Sauer


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