2012 Year In Review

2012 was a year when Coloradans stormed to the ballot box and said, “We want drugs.” They did so because Coloradans had just spent the last seven months listening to negative campaign ads. But the election wasn’t the only reason to ingest mood-altering plants. There were other noteworthy events in our area, beginning in…


■  Greyhound drops plans to relocate their bus depot to the 24 1/2 Road and Patterson area in a move that upsets at least one local business owner. “It’s unfortunate,” said the owner, “we were looking forward to having a steady stream of shady-looking chain smokers from LA without disposable income loiter around our business for hours on end.”


■  A GJHS choir member quits the club in protest, after the choir director chose a Muslim song with lyrics that praise “Allah.” The student was especially offended by the part in the program where the baritone section is instructed to go out into the audience and, “kill the American infidels.”


■  To the surprise of many, Palisade announces it will remove fluoride from the town’s water supply. This being Palisade, the fluoride is replaced by traces of marijuana.


■  The Grand Junction Housing Authority announces plans to begin a low-income housing project at the intersection of 28 and F Roads. Officials say the project will help solve a major problem in the community: namely, the fact that some homeowners near the project have equity in their homes.


■  Eight students become the first graduating class of Grande River Virtual Academy — the area’s first online school ­— in an emotional commencement ceremony that unfortunately was disrupted by numerous pop-up ads.


■  The manager of Two Rivers Convention Center is cited by Grand Junction police after he was found naked and intoxicated inside the Greyhound Bus Terminal. The District Attorney’s office goes easy on the suspect, admitting that if they had to spend all day listening to Rotary Club members complain about undercooked chicken, they’d probably end up naked and drunk in a bus station too.


■  Embattled state house candidate Jared Wright addresses allegations he was fired by for being tardy to work. The candidate vehemently denies the allegations at a press conference that is delayed, after Wright shows up 17 minutes late.


■  An arrest warrant is issued for Bobby Willis, who had promoted the since-cancelled country music festival, “Bobby’s Birthday Bash.”  Despite the warrant, Willis is optimistic, promising that next year’s “Bash” will actually happen, and will feature such acts as Taylor Swift, Elvis Presley and all four Beatles.


■  In a crime found at least one a week in the pages of the Sentinel, a (man/woman/couple)  from (Las Vegas/ Los Angeles/Phoenix) was arrested early (Saturday/Sunday) at Mile Marker (11/12/15) near the Utah border for allegedly transporting (122/456/895) pounds of (marijuana/heroin/meth).


■  A Montrose man is found guilty of selling fake meteorites after a nearly year-long investigation. Authorities say buyers became suspicious after spotting the “Made in China” tag.


■  Coloradans narrowly vote to legalize the recreational use of marijuana, disappointing opponents of the measure. “There’s no easy way to say it, this is a big defeat for us,” says Ambition, Work Ethic, and Personal Grooming.


■  In an actual GJ Sentinel story, city officials reveal that the $1.3 million renovation of Lincoln Park will include the construction of 69 signs near trees. Signs will include a cell number where you can call and get information and history of the tree. You can also watch video of city officials talking about the tree. “This is a wonderful feature that I plan to use regularly,” says absolutely no one.

As for the new year? Who knows? We’ll have a state representative who doesn’t talk much and trees that do. Our taxes will be higher, as will our fellow citizens.

Here’s to 2013.

Reach Steve Beauregard at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).


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