Budget wedding? Try wedded bliss at Super Wal-Mart
I think my wife is turning into some sort of snob, because when I told her about the couple that got recently got married inside a Nebraska Wal-Mart, she didn’t think it was very romantic.
To be more accurate, the nuptials took place inside a “Super Wal-Mart,” because getting married at just a regular old Wal-Mart would be kind of tacky.
Either way, you just know it had to be the groom’s idea.
Woman: “Wait a minute, you booked our wedding where?”
Man: “Well, you said you wanted a large, affordable indoor place with room for parking.”
According to the story published in the Omaha World-Herald, the newlyweds met while working at the York, Neb., store. The bride told the paper, “We had our first kiss at Wal-Mart.”
Of course. What couple hasn’t?
One of my first dates with Marie was at the North Avenue Wal-Mart, where — overcome with excitement at seeing the incredibly low sales price for Tabasco-flavored Cheez-Its — I swept her into my arms in a steamy, passionate embrace lasting so long an employee from the produce department eventually had to hose us down with a vegetable mister.
So I understand the allure of pledging your eternal love inside a discount store. It’s apparently becoming sort of a trend. Another wedding recently was held in a California Wal-Mart, as well as one in St. George, Utah. There are even reports of couples getting hitched inside a Dollar Store, which actually makes a lot of sense seeing as how that’s where I purchase most of my wedding gifts.
Other than the location, the Wal-Mart wedding was apparently a pretty traditional affair. In fact, it was probably a lot like your wedding — assuming your vows were interrupted every few minutes by someone using a loudspeaker to ask for a price check on kitty litter.
It all began when the bride — beautifully attired in a gorgeous white gown/blue polyester vest ensemble — confidentially walked down the aisle. To be more specific, it was the sporting goods aisle.
There, at the gun display counter/altar, she was greeted by her husband-to-be, who dressed elegantly for the occasion, even going so far as to remove his name tag.
The preacher’s introduction was fairly standard:
“Family. Friends. Loved ones. Ladies from the bakery department on their 15-minute break. We are gathered here today in this sacred place of worship, store number 34,875, to unite this couple in the bonds of holy matrimony.
“Let us bow our heads, and ask that this union be blessed by our almighty and benevolent lord and savior. And here, of course, I’m talking about Sam Walton.
“Now do you, Becky-May from housewares, take this man, Ricky from automotive, to be your lawfully wedded associate, to have and to hold, from this day forward, till death or first quarter layoffs do you part?”
From there, the happy couple took full advantage of this unique wedding hall. The reception dinner consisted of guests sneaking free samples at the deli counter. The traditional “first dance” took place near the display stereo in electronics. I won’t even mention what happened in the bedding department.
And then, after the festivities concluded, it was time for the newlyweds to escape on an exotic vacation getaway. The article didn’t say where they were going on their honeymoon. Sam’s Club is my guess.
I also guess that in this time of recession, we’ll begin to see an increase in these types of affordable weddings. More and more young couples will meet at Wal-Mart. They’ll get engaged there. They’ll host their wedding ceremony at Wal-Mart. They’ll even consummate the marriage there. (“Attention associates, we need a cleanup in Aisle 4.”)
In fact, you engaged couples ought to consider this unique venue. Sure, it’s a little unorthodox, but that won’t matter to you once you find yourself in the middle of the ceremony, hand-in-hand with your soulmate, gazing into each other’s eyes, united in your love, as you listen to those inspirational words echoing from above:
“I need a price check on kitty litter.”