Colorado recreation or just Rocky Mountain highjinks?
I promised I wasn’t going to write about marijuana again.
If you think marijuana-users are a laid-back, carefree, tolerant lot, try criticizing them in print. I did a couple of years ago, and based on the aggressiveness of their emails, I’m convinced cannabis contains steroids and bath salts. After the column, one reader called me an “alcoholic and a loser.” Naturally I took offense to this. I’m not a loser.
So I’m hesitant to bring up Amendment 64. It’s the newly passed law that allows potheads ... I mean people, to purchase an ounce of marijuana. I don’t mean to be disrespectful by calling them potheads. They are people, too. In fact, potheads are just like the rest of us — only hungrier, and with shorter attention spans.
We had semi-pseudo legal marijuana before, in the form of “medicinal marijuana,” in which the drug was made available only to folks who genuinely needed it, like those who had cancer, or multiple sclerosis, or a minor headache.
With 64’s passing, however, it will now be available for recreational purposes. For most of us, the word, “recreation” conjures up images of hiking or skiing. Perhaps a game of golf. In this case, “recreation” means sitting around in a basement with people violently opposed to soap, eating a spiked brownie while listening to a Phish CD.
I drink beer for “recreational” purposes. And when I go to Andy’s Liquors, they don’t just sell me an ounce of beer. If you’re only allowed an ounce of something, you probably don’t need it.
In their efforts to get the measure passed, advocates got their people to the polls. They left no stoner unturned. And while I admire their participation in our democratic process — it seems like a lot of work for an unworthy cause. If you mission in life is the right to inhale a psychoactive drug, you need a better mission.
You can’t point that out to them, however. First off, marijuana has been associated with memory loss, so they’ll forget your point. They may even forget your name, or where they are.
And thus, Colorado has become the laughingstock of the nation. Again. When it comes to elections, our reputation is just slightly ahead of Nicaragua, and behind Florida. In 1972 we voted down the Winter Olympics. Countries are fighting and bribing and doing whatever it takes for a shot to host the event, and we told the Olympic Games, “Thanks, but we’re good.”
We had a governor (Roy Romer), who once held a cringe-worthy press conference in which he admitted to a 16-year affair he described as “very fulfilling” and “beautiful.” He said this while standing next to his wife and daughter. We elected him three times.
Locally, we have a state representative who went bankrupt partially due to spending too much money at a tanning salon.
My point is that Coloradans don’t always show good judgment at the ballot box.
This was evident by the day-after front-page Sentinel photograph, which showed Amendment 64 supporters holding signs that read, “Thank you for finally supporting education.”
So THAT’S what 64 was all about: education funding. And here I thought people just wanted to get high. I’m just glad we’re “finally supporting education.” I stupidly had assumed the property taxes I’ve been paying to School District 51 for the past 13 years was kind of a show of support.
In the meantime, reasonable people will have to come to terms with the election results. Let’s face it: If intelligent people were the majority, there would be no “Harold and Kumar” movies or “Jersey Shore” or warning labels on paint, telling you not to consume it.
The unfortunate fact is, the majority of voters are idiots. This means weed is here to stay. We’re just going to have to accept the will of the potheads ... I mean people.