Exercise works when steps dropped from 3 to 1 at a time

Louis looked frustrated as he walked into our coaching session.

During our last session, he had explained his irritation with one of his co-workers, Tamra. He took the Action Step of finding three qualities he admired in Tamra and three that irritated him. Then he was to determine when and where he displays these same traits.

“How did your Action Steps go?” I asked. “Did you come up with three traits that you admire about Tamra and three that irritate you?”

“I know this exercise was supposed to help neutralize my feelings about Tamra,” he began, “but you won’t believe what she’s done! I’m SO angry. I can’t think of ANY times that I would act like that!”

“Let’s try the exercise together by starting with one trait you admire and one that irritates you,” I suggested, “For each one we’ll see how and when you exhibit these traits.”

“OK. But I think you’ll find out how impossible this is,” Louis said.

“What trait do you admire in Tamra?” I asked.

He thought for a long time. “I can’t think of anything I like. I admire,” he began and paused, “the way she states her opinion in a meeting ... no matter how stupid it is.”

“When do you exhibit the trait of voicing your opinion?” I asked.

“I voice my opinion with my wife,” Louis said. “If I don’t let her know what I’m thinking, then I get frustrated with decisions she makes that affect both of us.”

“It sounds like there is some benefit to voicing your opinion,” I said. “Let’s move to a trait that irritates you about Tamra.”

“Tamra thinks she’s an expert in areas where clearly she is not,” Louis said.

“Where in your life do you act like an expert, even though you are not, and who sees you being this way?” I asked.

“I don’t try to be an expert in areas where I am not,” he said.

“Think about it,” I encouraged. “Who sees you acting this way?”

“I guess I act like an expert when I go to the mechanic to get my car fixed,” Louis said. “My wife laughs because I know nothing about cars, but when we take our car into the shop, I try to speak the language.”

“Why would you act like a car expert?” I asked.

“If I act like I know what I’m talking about, I feel that there’s a better chance of not getting ripped off,” Louis said.

Louis sat quietly, reflecting on what he had just said.

“I guess I’ve been a bit tough on Tamra for acting like she’s an expert,” Louis said, “but she still bugs me.”

“This exercise helps us to see ourselves and others without as much judgment and can help neutralize strong emotions,” I said. “Now that you see how it works, are you willing to continue with three additional traits that you admire and three that irritate you?”

“I still feel charged by her,” Louis said, “so I think working through the exercise further would be good.”

Louis’ resistance diminished as we worked through each trait as his strong emotions were acknowledged and neutralized.

When he walked out, he said, “I feel more balanced in my thoughts about Tamra. It doesn’t mean that she won’t bug me, but I’ll have a deeper understanding and possibly more compassion when it does happen.”

Note: The Quantum Collapse process was introduced to me by Bill Brakemeier of Life Mastery Institute and his coach, Dr. John DeMartini, from the Concourse of Wisdom School.

Sheri Fisher is an intuitive life coach living in Grand Junction. The situations and characters in her column are fictional to maintain client confidentiality. For more information, go to: http://www.coachwithsheri.com.


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