Listen to your head and your heart
“A woman introduced herself after one of my seminars last month,” Dan said. “I’d seen her at the seminar series a few times before, but we had never talked. It seems she gathered some information about me, possibly from the company’s website. You know how badly I’ve wanted to meet someone. I was flattered and surprised that it finally happened.”
His words sounded promising, but I sensed hesitation in his voice.
“Have you seen her since?” I asked.
“We’ve been out several times,” he said. “We’ve gone hiking, out to dinner and hot-tubbing at her house, which, by the way, was beautiful. It’s amazing what a difference money can make. She frequently travels with her job and is out of the country until next month. She’s successful, intelligent, rich, active and nice-looking.”
“Those are all qualities you said you are looking for,” I said.
“She’s almost everything I’m looking for,” Dan said. “Plus, she’s interested in me. What could be wrong with that?”
“I get a sense that even though it appears that all of the ingredients are there, possibly something is missing for you,” I said.
“I should be attracted to her,” he said, “but sometimes I feel that the spark isn’t there ... and then I try to convince myself why it should work.”
“So this relationship logically makes sense, but your feelings might be getting in the way,” I suggested. “In past relationships, how have you negotiated your logic with your feelings?”
“When I feel infatuated, I can get swept away with my feelings ... which isn’t good,” Dan said. “A year ago, I almost moved to another state for a woman. After only two months of long-distance dating, I thought I was in love. Everything seemed great at first. Luckily, I came to my senses before I quit my job and found out I’d jumped in too quickly.”
“What was your logical brain saying as your feelings were being swept away?” I asked.
“My brain was trying to talk sense into me,” Dan said. “It said to slow down, but I kept speeding up ... until I finally slammed on the brakes.”
“How does this new relationship compare?” I asked.
“My logic tells me that this should be right,” Dan said. “My feelings, on the other hand, are resistant. It’s a constant battle. I’ll never be happy.”
“I heard something that reminded me of a relationship I once tried to make happen,” I said. “Deciding if you are in love is like deciding if you are hungry. If you’re not sure, you’re probably not.”
“It seems like I’m deciding to be in love by adding up all of the reasons why I should be,” he said. “What I realize is that I can’t use logic to rule my feelings. If I have to try to make it happen, it’s probably not right.”
“Knowing this, is there anything you’d like to do to move forward?” I asked.
“When she gets back in town, I’ll gently let her know how I’m feeling. It’s not fair to string her along because I’m flattered or trying to make this into something that it’s not,” he said. “It might be hard, but it feels more truthful.”
Coaching challenge: When your sense a difference between your logic and your feelings, recognize that both might have some important messages for you.
Respect both your logic and your feelings as you move forward.
Sheri Fisher is an intuitive life coach living in Grand Junction. The situations and characters in her column are fictional to maintain client confidentiality. For more information and to access her blog, go to http://www.coachwithsheri.com.