Live it up
Kids, it’s time to panic.
Summer break, which seemed so infinite at the beginning of June, is careening to an abrupt end. That’s right, School District 51 classes begin Aug. 4, meaning you have just a week and a half left to cram in all the fun, all the awesome, all the trouble, all the lie-around-and-do-nothing that you planned way back in the beginning.
Just 11 days! How did this happen?
(Caprock Academy students, you’re out of luck, having started class Monday. But students in Montrose, Delta and Garfield counties can breathe a little easier: Garfield and Montrose county schools start Aug. 18 and Delta starts Aug. 20.)
However, there’s still time. Yes, in these measly 11 days there’s time to live it up and knock it down, time to wring all the fun out of every single day — squeezing them and pressing them and hitting them with a hammer to extract every ounce of possibility.
Thus, we present a not-a-minute-to-lose guide for all the things you have time to do in these 11 days, offered in handy list format:
■ Lie around and do nothing.
■ Make videos of your friends cramming ridiculous amounts of Doritos in their mouths, post the videos on YouTube.
■ Pull just half the weeds and claim they’re growing back really fast, is all.
■ Squirt someone with the hose. This is always hilarious (for you).
■ Eat some pizza. Because that’s always a good idea.
■ Eat all the s’mores. All of them. And if you can’t roast the marshmallows over a campfire, do it over the barbecue grill. Or the stove.
■ Stay up very, very late.
■ Sleep in so long that someone holds a mirror under your nose to make sure you’re still alive.
■ Go to the movies and then wait outside afterward for your mom to pick you up, pretending she’s the chauffeur or just some nice lady giving you a ride home, because seriously: moms.
■ Learn a useful skill from instructional YouTube videos — yodeling, perhaps, or knuckle-rolling coins.
■ Slouch through Target feeling half excited, half bummed at the prospect of school supplies.
■ Do a little recreational Facebook stalking.
■ Walk nowhere in particular at an unhurried pace.
■ Find a body of water and swim in it. If it’s not big enough for swimming, surely it’s big enough for stomping.
■ Play NBA 2K14 until someone makes you go outside to play real basketball.
■ Go outside. Play real basketball.
■ Take all the selfies in the whole world.
■ Fling yourself up the skateboard ramp with reckless abandon. Defy gravity, if possible.
■ Start that ol’ summer reading, and good luck to you!
■ Sleep outside, but trudge back inside at about 2 a.m. because of gnats and it’s dark outside.
■ Concoct the ultimate ice cream sundae that includes things like cocoa powder and crunchy peanut butter and whatever else you can find in the cupboard; spill some of it on your shirt.
■ Perform elaborate reconnaissance on your siblings/parents/neighbors. End up doing nothing with the data gathered, but still: spycraft.
■ Pick scabs that are unready to come off; bleed a lot.
■ Apply an excessive number of Band-Aids, because Band-Aids are fun.
■ Get a book about magic from the library and spend two whole days creating The Most Wondrous Show Ever, which, OK, isn’t exactly going to put David Copperfield out of a job but your grandma will think it’s wonderful.
■ Refuse to take a bath.
■ Take all the cushions off the couch and play an elaborate game of Lava Field until you get in trouble for wrecking the couch.
■ Draw some anime that, if you’re being honest, blows your mind a little.
■ Poke something with a stick — mud, say, or a gross thing that you’re not quite sure what it is.
■ Try that thing where you tightly hold a blade of grass between your thumbs and blow on it, making a very weird sound; cast the grass aside in anger when it doesn’t work, because it rarely does.
■ Clean your room. Come back to life after you died laughing at that suggestion.
■ Conceptualize elaborate pranks that would require you to defy the laws of physics, should you actually try them.
■ Wheedle $2 out of whoever will give it to you, then ride your bike to C&F to blow it on Mountain Dew and Twizzlers.
■ Loiter around on playground equipment.
■ Or, you know, actually play on the playground equipment.
■ Whine for two hours about having to mow the lawn; spend 20 minutes mowing the lawn.
■ Lie on the grass in some shade, because it feels good.
■ Sprint somewhere, because that feels good, too.
■ Beg your dad to drop you off at the mall, then pout when he insists on accompanying you.
■ Inflate the air mattress and jump on it until it accidentally pops; claim ignorance when The Heavies demand to know who did it.
■ Go along for the ride, even if it’s only to the grocery store.
■ Watch “Frozen”/“Star Wars”/“The Lego Movie” for the 20th time.
■ Try on your new shoes, because there’s nothing finer.
■ Find some reason to walk past your school, if only so you can think, “Not yet, suckas!”
■ But maybe, secretly, also feel a little bit excited about the new school year.