It’s twilight for “Twilight,” the international blockbuster series of young adult novels written by Stephenie Meyer and turned into five international blockbuster films. The fifth, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2” was released Thursday to much screaming and massive crowds.
Like many theaters around the country, Regal Cinemas 14 in Grand Junction held a Twilight Saga Marathon on Thursday, culminating in the release of the newest, and final, film at 10 p.m. Two sold-out theaters of Twi-hards laughed and gasped and sighed through “Twilight,” “New Moon,” “Eclipse” and “Breaking Dawn — Part 1.”
I was there, too — gobbling popcorn, secretly wishing Taylor Lautner would take his shirt off more and Tweeting the culmination of a mythology and an era.
9:58 a.m. Teeth: flossed. Multi-vitamin: swallowed. Good sense: abandoned. Ready for the Twilight marathon at Regal Cinemas!
10:48 a.m. Holy Soviet bread line! Around the corner of the building! Amateur here wasn’t expecting this.
(People began lining up to get into the theater for the “Twilight” marathon at breakfast time Thursday, despite the fact that the first four movies are available on DVD. That’s not the point, apparently, or the nature of fan-dom.
(They came in a stunning array of “Twilight” T-shirts and memorabilia, ready to sink once again into the world of vampires and werewolves in rainy Forks, Wash.)
11:18 a.m. Multiple guys spotted in line! Best boyfriends ever.
11:38 a.m. Keeping a beady eye peeled for the Twilight—> 50 Shades of Gray connection.
11:39 a.m. Except I didn’t even get to the naughty parts in 50 Shades because the writing is so… no thank you.
11:40 a.m. Maybe that’s the connection!
11:50 a.m. At concessions, asking myself, “WWJE — What Would Jacob Eat?” One moose, please.
12:03 p.m. Dear District 51, I know where your truant students are. Sincerely, Rachel Sauer
(The first movie in the series is “The Twilight Saga: Twilight.” The heroes are Bella Swan, a high school junior recently transplanted from Phoenix to Forks; Edward Cullen, a vampire who sparkles in sunlight; and Jacob Black, a werewolf. Only, Jacob isn’t aware he’s a werewolf in the first movie.
(Other characters: Carlisle Cullen, the head of a vampire family that includes Esme, his wife; Edward; Alice and Jasper; and Rosalie and Emmett.)
12:24 p.m. I DO NOT understand these vampires. I’d sooner spend eternity in super max than in high school.
12:37 p.m. Not to judge on appearance or anything, but Carlisle as an ER doctor? I’ll just take my finger home and reattach it myself, thanks.
12:51 p.m. Oh, no, Bella! Cliche drunken thugs! Whatever will you do?
12:52 p.m. Oh, wait, here comes Edward.
1:06 p.m. Um, guys? I know Edward’s gunning for his Oscar and sparkling, but I think you’re going to be late for biology.
1:09 p.m. Edward: “I don’t want to be a monster.” Me: “Chupacabra wouldn’t be so bad.”
1:23 p.m. Dear Edward, BREAKING AND ENTERING ISN’T ROMANTIC, IT’S A FELONY! Sheesh.
1:42 p.m. Totally understand the vampires’ obsession with Bella’s scent. I feel the same way about cinnamon rolls.
1:57 p.m. I’m not buying Bella’s alleged clumsiness. The quirk I would buy? A vestigial tail.
2:08 p.m. “Blood is too precious a thing in these days of dishonorable peace, and the glories of the great races are as a tale that is told.” Dracula
2:09 “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.” Edward.
(The second movie of the series is “The Twilight Saga: New Moon.” In it, Edward breaks up with Bella, and things go downhill from there. Bella mopes a lot in this one, then ends up going to Italy with Alice to save Edward from the mean vampire royalty called the Volturi.
(There’s also a rogue band of vampires from the first movie, including a French one named Laurent.)
2:26 p.m. Ready for No. 2! I believe it’s called “The Twilight Saga: Bella Makes Me Want to Bite Myself.”
2:46 p.m. “Bella, you give me everything just by breathing,” said Edward. Yep, that’s what he said. So… yeah.
2:58 p.m. Nice brood, Edward! I need to work on my brood.
3:05 p.m. OK, not to go all Betty Friedan here, but seriously, Bella? This? You try my patience.
3:21 p.m. Another Bella nightmare. I’m guessing she’s shirtless on BYU campus and late to a final she didn’t study for.
3:23 p.m. First Jacob shirtlessness! The crowd goes wild.
3:32 p.m. Shirtless Jacob again! Mrs. Robinson here likee.
3:38 p.m. Oh, no. Poor Laurent. He’s fallen on hard times, obviously, and had to sell his cravat.
3:47 p.m. Not understanding the werewolves’ affinity for cut-offs. If they’re going to rip off anyway, wouldn’t pants be easier?
3:54 p.m. I can’t help feeling that this movie would be improved with dinosaurs.
4:14 p.m. Volturi: foppish European vampires or sentient robots? It’s hard to tell from the name.
4:28 p.m. I enjoy this shade of lipstick Edward seems to be wearing.
4:38 p.m. Edward: “Marry me, Bella.” Audience: *gasp!* Happy applause!
5:02 p.m. O large, refillable popcorn! Why can’t I quit you? My stomach hurts like Jacob’s broken heart.
(The third movie is “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.” Marathon-wise, the audience’s spirits are high. Many are in what appear to be pajamas, which is a smart choice considering the 12-hour day of movie watching.
(Also, for the uninitiated and cave dwellers, Charlie is Bella’s dad. He’s the chief of police in good ol’ Forks.)
5:18 p.m. On to No. 3! In which the creepy staring is dialed down to 7 or 8, hopefully.
5:28 Dear Bella, You can borrow some of my personality until you buy your own. Sincerely, Rachel Sauer
5:40 p.m. On Emmett: “Rejoice, rejoice although his brain is brief, for when the larder’s empty she’ll have a ton of beef.” from “The Court Jester”
5:56 p.m. So, I guess it would be inappropriate to bust out the marshmallows in the middle of the Quileute campfire council meeting mythology time?
6:01 p.m. Edward: “You’ll always be my Bella.” Guy behind me: “Awww…”
6:20 p.m. I wuv Wolf Jacob. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a fuzzy boy?
6:34 p.m. Why is there no Team Charlie? He’s so steady and sensible! And matte-finished.
7:07 p.m. Here come the Volturi. Note to self: Text beloved niece and remind her how amusing her goth phase was.
7:16 p.m. Bella: “I’m gonna need that ring.” Audience: *swoon!* Happy applause!
7:19 p.m. Credits: “Taylor Lautner.” Girls in audience (estimated age 15): “Woooooo!!”
(The fourth movie in the series is “The Twlight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1.” In it, Bella and Edward get married, and Jacob’s wolfy heart is broken because he loves Bella, too.
(And as a side note, it turns out that watching four movies in one day is a lot. Sitting in the theater beats sitting outside, though, which some non-marathon-goers are doing as they wait for the release of Part 2.)
7:45 p.m. Dear Fortitude Journal, I can do this. Twilight will not best me. I’m not convinced that staring is romantic. On to No. 4! Love, Rachel
7:50 p.m. O large, refillable Coke Zero! Why can’t I quit you? My hands are shaking like Jasper at Bella’s birthday party.
8:13 p.m. I’m really growing to enjoy these Bella nightmare scenes.
8:21 p.m. Um, OK, stop. Seriously. You have guests, including monotone Russian vampires. Kiss later.
8:30 p.m. So, do the werewolves buy clothes by the bale?
8:37 p.m. Good grief! What does Edward have against closing doors? You’re in Brazil, man! The bugs!
8:53 p.m. Oh, Bella. That chicken is red at the bone. Please stop eating it.
8:57 p.m. Like Stephenie Meyer, I studied English at BYU. I don’t recall the Parasitic Vampire Baby as Literary Trope class.
9:07 p.m. Would somebody please get poor, sad Rosalie a kitten? If she can be around one?
9:11 p.m. How awesome are telepathically communicating, mutinous wolves? The only thing that could make this better is a musical number.
10:18 p.m. 1. Edward delivers a baby via dental caesarean. 2. Jacob imprints on an infant. 3. Rachel wishes she hadn’t eaten all those Take 5 bars.
(The fifth movie, obviously, is “The Twilght Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2.” There will be no joy-kill spoilers here, though it won’t be spoiling anything to say that Bella’s a vampire now and she and Edward have a half-human, half-vampire baby.)
10:26 p.m. Onward to No. 5! “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Electric Bugaloo” (I think that’s what it’s called). Anyway. Away we go!