Boulder’s ban on all things Arizona is really just smugness

You’ll know the city of Boulder is really, really serious about illegal immigration when it puts up a fence and starts screening to keep out the Arizona types.

It was Boulder that last week in an eminently predictable move decided to boycott Arizona.

No surprise there, the fast-thinking Boulderites were second in line, following on the heels of the Denver Public Schools, which was the first to ban employees from taking work-related trips to the Land of Disenchantment.

So, no trips to Arizona for the hard-working employees of the schools in Denver, where it’s not clear that students are taught that Arizona is a state, or that there are states, or even the quaint notion of something once called federalism.

Strangely, Boulder’s Resident Expert on Everything, Ward Churchill, wasn’t quoted immediately after Boulder took its hard line, leaving us to infer that he’s searching for an appropriate response from which to plagiarize.

Odd, is it not, that Boulder and its ilk are always taking symbolic swipes at entities much larger than themselves and thus unlikely to be concerned enough to slap back.

Nice, too, that Boulder goes out on the limb of banning junkets to Arizona just as it’s getting too hot to go anyway.

It’s also convenient that Boulder decided to take on big, mighty Arizona. It’s not at all like inviting gridiron powerhouse Montana State to town because everyone knows that’s just too easy. Oh, wait. Montana State 19, CU, 10. September 2006. Never mind.

If Boulder really wants to make a statement, one that will be heard in Phoenix, let’s see if it goes the other way.

Think any Boulder bartender, up to and including state Rep. Paul Weismann, D-Boulder, is about to stop serving tequila on the faint chance that it might have been imported from Arizona — or worse, fermented from Arizona agave azul?

Anybody in Boulder planning to give up Arizona Iced Tea this summer? Anyone at all?

How ‘bout mesquite? No more mesquite-smoked barbecue for Boulder. Even if it’s tofu.

The University of Phoenix would be booted out of Boulder. No correspondence courses for Boulderites. No online classes for Flatirons fans. And that would have the added benefit of eliminating CU’s risk of enduring the occasionally less-than-flattering comparison to the upstart educational invention.

And no more University of Colorado students from Arizona. Even if they pay the full out-of-state tuition. Let Arizona keeps its filthy money.

Here’s a thought. If Boulder really wanted to make a point, the city and university could refuse to accept any water from the Colorado River to make up for the water evil Arizona takes from the river.

Better to let that water flow down to the border with Mexico rather than over the Rockies to Boulder’s faucets.

What price purity, Boulder? Will you give up swigging from the Big Thompson Project? Will you stop sucking the Rockies’ sweetest water off the high side of the West Slope?

What’s that Boulder? You need to flush? Flush what?

Ever heard of punching holes in the ground and sticking a wooden box with a funny half-moon symbol on the front?

Just call it compost and Boulder will be fine with it. Plus, it’s organic!

Boulder, of course, won’t make any real sacrifices for political correctness. Cut down to the real meaning of Boulder and it’s just bluster.

Boulder is as likely to do anything real for Mexico and Mexicans as Aspen is likely to ban turquoise, ski flights from Phoenix or cougars from the bar scene.

The city’s ban? So much BS — Boulder Smugness.


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