Fear at the base of woman’s resistance

Lydia walked into our coaching session and took a deep sigh.

“Usually I’m very positive,” she said, “but lately I’ve been more negative. It’s unlike me.”

“If you could sum up your feelings with one word, what would it be?” I asked.

“Resistant,” Lydia responded.

“What does resistant mean to you?” I asked.

“Staying away from things or pushing against something,” she said.

“What are you staying away from or pushing against?” I asked.

“I’m pushing against things that might help me to feel positive, and yet I resist,” she said.

“What are you resisting?” I said, looking for specifics.

“Resistance shows up in several areas of my life,” Lydia began. “For example, I stay with my job even though I’m bored. I can’t stick with a relationship. I don’t have many close friends, and I’m reluctant to try new activities.”

“What purpose does resistance play in your life?” I asked.

“Resistance keeps me stuck in what’s comfortable. I like the status quo, but even that gets boring. Then I get irritated, and know I should change, but I’m still resistant.”

“Close your eyes,” I said. “Imagine a boulder in front of you. It’s really big. Can you see it?”

She nodded.

“Pretend this boulder is the physical embodiment of your resistance,” I said. “Lift the boulder to see what’s underneath. What’s under there?”

“Underneath the boulder is the word, ‘fear,’ ” Lydia said.

“What are you afraid of?” I asked.

“I’m afraid of everything,” Lydia said. “I’m afraid of finding a new job, and I’m afraid of not finding a new job. I’m afraid of being broke and I’m also afraid of having money. I’m afraid of being irresponsible, which feels lazy, and of being responsible, which feels exhausting. It’s no wonder I’m stuck. I’m afraid of everything.”

“How could you feel unafraid?” I asked.

“If I had some sense of control in my life,” she said.

“Who or what controls your life? I asked.

She paused, then said, “I’m in control of my life, good or bad. It’s up to me, isn’t it?”

I nodded.

“I’ve become so caught up in being afraid that I’ve forgotten that I’m in charge of my life. I’m tired of feeling afraid,” she said.

I asked her to stand up.

“Let’s pretend that we’re standing in the land of fear,” I said. “You probably have a good idea what fear feels like.”

She nodded.

I drew an imaginary line across the floor with my foot. “On the other side of this line is the opposite of fear,” I said.

“Freedom,” she said.

“What does freedom feel like?” I asked.

“Choice, opportunity and possibilities,” she said.

“What’s it going to take for you to step from fear to freedom?” I asked.

Lydia immediately jumped across the imaginary line.

“I’m tired of living in fear. I want my life back,” she said.

We explored the differences between the “freedom” and “fear” perspectives in her body, her emotions and in her outlook.

We then used the energy of “freedom” to brainstorm action steps to create movement in each area where she felt stuck.

Coaching challenge: What will it take for you to step into the land of freedom? Imagine that you are already there. What does it feel like? What options are available to you? Create action steps from this perspective to help you move forward.

Sheri Fisher is an intuitive life coach who living in Grand Junction. The situations and characters in her column are fictional to maintain client confidentiality. For more information, go to: http://www.coachwithsheri.com.


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