Super size me

If you never indulge, never pig out, never allow yourself excess, stop reading now. This column is about gut-busters.

It is nearly a week into the new year, plenty of time to have kept a new year’s resolution. Promises involving food are bound to be broken sooner or later.

Larding is the process of fattening up a skinny carcass and the following are certain to add some lardoons to your frame.

What better way to survive the cold western Colorado winter.

Rib City Grill in Grand Junction, Fruita and Montrose: For the starving man, Rib City serves 1 1/2 racks of baby back ribs, which is about 3 pounds of meat.

That includes all the normal sides, but you don’t want to miss the three-cheese fries: Waffle cut potatoes with Monterey jack, cheddar and pepper jack cheeses topped with bacon and served with spicy ranch dressing for dipping.

Munchies in Fruita serves 12 ounces of ground beef on a bun. They call it the Big Daddy hamburger. Lest you think that’s all, the fixings on top are lettuce, tomatoes, onions and pickles. To that you can add bacon, mushrooms, chili and guacamole.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.

Black Bear Diner: One of the bruin specials at Black Bear is the New York Strip with three eggs, two huge biscuits and hash browns or country hash. Top it off with the bear claw, billed as “a meal by themselves.”

Naggy McGee’s: Although not the biggest in sheer poundage, the traditional Irish breakfast deserves to be in the gut-buster category.

When you visit Ireland and stay at a hotel or bed-and-breakfast you’re served this, or some variation, every morning. No wonder the Irish are light on lunch.

On your plates you’ll find eggs, bacon, bangers, fried tomatoes, baked beans and country potatoes. Top it off with an Irish coffee and you’ll be good for the day.

Los Jilberto’s: If you’ve got a craving late at night, this place is open 24 hours and is popular with the staffs at local hospitals.

One of my menu favorites, a dozen rolled tacos with guacamole, costs about the same as a large bottle of Tums. And, they reheat beautifully in the morning.

Der Wienerschnitzel: A dozen Angus beef chili hotdogs cost about a dollar a piece. Or mix it up with half corndogs and half chili dogs, or mustard dogs or Chicago dogs.

The Cold Stone Creamery: Why settle for a cone? The creamery sells ice cream by the half-gallon. Customer favorites are the coffeehouse crunch, peanut butter cup perfection and birthday cake batter with fudge.

Decadence Cheesecakes: From Lee Mathis, a first-place winner in the pie and cheesecake category of the Palisade Peach Festival, you can purchase The Savannah.

This 4 pounds of sin — a tribute to Southern cooking — is a maple bourbon cheesecake on a pecan pie with maple bourbon pecan glaze.

TRANS-FAT: The “no trans fat” snacks you buy from the grocery store or the vending machine may indeed contain the artery-clogging ingredient, according to ABC News.

FDA policy allows a serving of food that contains less than 0.5 grams of trans fat to claim that it contains none at all. Trans fats are partially hydrogenated oils created through a chemical process that turns vegetable oil solid.

QUOTE: “You sit down at Katz’s (New York) and you eat the big bowl of pickles and you’re eating the pastrami sandwich, and halfway through you say to yourself, ‘I should really wraps this up and save it for tomorrow.’ I’ve never gotten home from Katz’s with a doggie bag in my hand. A pastrami sandwich is what’s bad and good about food. It’s the sacred and the profane.” — Mario Batali, chef

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