What your Christmas tree says about you

I have a rare talent. Some might call it a gift.

Others, the more incredulous, call it a cheap party trick, but I have yet to meet anyone who can do what I do.

I am a Christmas Tree Prognosticator.

It’s sort of like reading palms. I can tell a lot about a person’s life and personality by their Christmas tree.

Here’s a free sampling:

ARTIFICIAL OR REAL

There are two types of people: Real Christmas tree people and artificial tree people.

One is not better than the other, just different.

If you are a person who likes real trees you probably like the outdoors. You enjoy creating an ambience that invokes smell as well as sight.

Real tree people think that the experience of searching out the Christmas tree, chopping it down and dragging it back to the old homestead is all part of the fun.

If you like artificial trees, you like an investment that lasts. You want something pretty, but don’t want to make a lot of fuss.

Artificial tree owners can also be perfectionists. They don’t like to deal with gaps in the branches or dropping needles of a real tree.

WHITE LIGHTS OR MULTICOLORED LIGHTS

If you have white lights on your tree, you think of each light as a tiny star. White light people like simplicity.

White lights convey the serenity of an “Oh, Holy Night.”

Conversely, multicolored lights say, “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree.”

People who like multicolored lights are party people. They like the festive feeling of multicolored lights because it reminds them of a disco or Las Vegas.

To them, the holidays are one big party and everyone is invited. And it wouldn’t be too far out of the realm of possibility that when the holiday party rolls around, they might even don a strand of multicolored lights as if it were gay apparel.

MATCHING OR ECLECTIC ORNAMENTS

If you have a tree with an eclectic assortment of ornaments, each one having a special meaning or story, you value your past and family history.

Perhaps it’s the clothespin reindeer your firstborn made in kindergarten or the delicate snowflake that Grandma crocheted. Each one is different; each one is special. They may not match, but it doesn’t matter to you.

The decoration of an eclectic tree is often a group effort. Some people hang the ornaments as others string popcorn and cranberries. Even the littlest elves in the house take part in decorating the eclectic tree.

A matchy-matchy ornament tree is usually a one-woman (or man) show: a person with a vision of what a perfectly coiffed tree should look like.

Matching ornament people like order and consistency. They usually have a theme for their Christmas tree, such as Victorian, Old World or country.

For the matching ornament people, the tree is the crowning glory, the pièce de r&233;sistance, of all the Christmas decorations.

ANGEL OR STAR

Angel people believe in a higher power guiding their lives and directing their path. Angel people might have, at some point, imagined what it would have been like to be in that choir of angels, as told of old, who sang to shepherds guarding their flocks by night that a babe was born in Bethlehem.

Star people are the hopefuls, they hope for a better, brighter tomorrow.

They are sign seekers. They lead their lives by sometimes imperceptible directional arrows.

Star people will follow that little nudge inside of them that says, “Take cookies to your neighbor (peanut butter cookies with the chocolate kisses on top),” or “slip $20 into the bell ringer’s red bucket.”

That’s it. That’s all you get for your free sampling.

How did I do? Eerily close, eh?

If you want a full Christmas Tree Prognostication, you’ll have to invite me to your holiday party.

Don’t worry, I work cheap. You can pay me in cookies (peanut butter cookies with the chocolate kisses on top).


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