A roadtripper’s view of the news
I was on the road last week, a solo road trip around the American Southwest. It started at the Grand Canyon, a beautiful place, but after 24 hours, it becomes very … analog. The itch to keep moving must be scratched. It is, after all, a road trip.
There’s no place less analog than Las Vegas. So here I am, ensconced on a high floor overlooking The Strip as I write this. Natural and man-made wonders both have their charms. Once this column is finished it’s off to Moab to attend the Moab Photography Symposium, the reason for this trip in the first place.
News junkies don’t get their normal fix when on the road. At least I don’t. Sometimes we go days without knowing what’s going on in the world. That’s particularly true at places like the Grand Canyon, where WiFi is spotty, at best.
When it’s time to catch up, it’s done quickly and not comprehensively. But that’s what I did this morning and it’s reassuring to know that the world continues to spin, even when I’m not paying attention.
Some examples that won’t so much enlighten you as they will make you think I have strange reading habits:
✓ Remember back at the beginning of the Colorado legislative session, when the Dems and the GOP both said the one thing they would get done this year is a new redistricting bill? The thought of a judge drawing the congression-al districts for the state was just too much for all of them. They promised they would get it done. To get it done would require both sides to give a little. It’s called acting like grown-ups.
Guess who didn’t get it done? The adults we sent to the Legislature instead spent their time playing parliamentary tricks until they ran out of time. Colorado’s new congressional district will be the creation of the judiciary.
✓ Speaking of the judiciary, apparently the way to a judge’s heart might be through his stomach. Students at Columbia University in New York and Ben Gurion University in Israel, for some strange reason, decided to study the effects of satiation on judicial decisions. Don’t ask. I don’t know why. Anyway, thanks to them, we now know that judges tend to be more lenient right after lunch or a snack. They get meaner as the effects of food wear off. Don’t know if that will help the Republicans or the Democrats in the redistricting case.
✓ Meanwhile, some other people were surveying Donald Trump’s colleagues in the real estate development business. A whopping 71 percent of them said he’s not qualified to be president and his flirtation with a run for the White House is nothing more than a typical Trump ploy to see his name in the news. The other thing it clarifies is that real estate developers are incredibly good at spotting the obvious. In the meantime, mark May 22 on your calendar. That’s when The Donald will tell us his plans. I can’t wait.
✓ Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger are splitting the sheets after 25 years of marriage. That’s important because … actually, I don’t know why that’s important.
✓ Yes I do. It makes a good segue to this final story about a couple in New York who wanted a divorce but couldn’t agree who got the house. (This is reminiscent of the legislative redistricting story; it’s about adults acting like children.) They solved the problem by constructing a wall down the middle of their once-happy home. A judge has ordered the couple to do what most people in such situations do. Sell the house, he said, and split the proceeds. Don’t know whether he decided that on a full stomach.
There you have it. A quick look at the world through the eyes of a road-tripper.
I’m off to Moab. But first I think I’ll hit a buffet.