Coincidence? Trump hosts debate as giant black hole is discovered

It took seemingly forever, but finally the Republican presidential contest has become at least a little bit interesting. And on top of that there was what some might think an unrelated development last week that could make it even more interesting. More on that later. First the main event.

That is the upcoming First Ever Biggest And Best Donald Trump Hosted GOP Presidential Debate. It will feature Donald Trump asking some questions and some candidates answering some questions asked by Donald Trump. Then Donald Trump asking more questions and then Donald Trump doing something else and then Donald Trump and Donald Trump and Donald Trump.

It’s supposed to be on TV. I don’t know when or what channel and I have no intention of finding out. There are rumors it might be cancelled.

But it will be one of the cable channels. Come to think of it, a Donald Trump-hosted presidential debate among the GOP presidential candidates may in fact be the perfect programming for a cable news network. It’s not serious. But everyone from The Donald to the candidates to the network will think and act like it’s serious.

The Donald is clueless, as are the candidates. And really, it’s harmless entertainment. Mad Men it won’t be, but then it’s likely to be funnier than Two Broke Girls and maybe as thoughtful as a Jerry Springer show.

The pre-game hype has been all kinds of fun.

It seems Lawrence O’Donnell has a “news” show on one of the cable channels and so considers himself smarter than The Donald, I guess. O’Donnell doesn’t get to fire people and so he apparently is jealous of The Donald and he let it get to him on the air the other night.

First, he said the debate will be “immoderately moderated by a reality show judge.” That made me wonder why the television gods hadn’t reserved the word “reality” for the cable news channels. But then I remembered the few times I’ve been subjected to Fox “News” and realized not even Roger Ailes can stretch the meaning of a word that far.

Sorry, I got off on a tangent. O’Donnell was just getting warmed up. He said The Donald “lies about his own wealth” and he’s not really a billionaire, “he just plays one on TV.”

He went on to question The Donald’s education and then — Gasp! — said The Donald’s own presidential run was nothing more than a “publicity stunt.” Tell me no! Donald Trump was not serious when he said he wanted to be leader of the free world? When he offered his services to be the most powerful man on the planet? It was all for ratings?

I was so disillusioned I had to read something else. A-web-surfing I went. Well, guess what else happened last week?

Astronomers discovered the biggest black hole ever. That’s what. That’s kind of big news, particularly in the world of Republican presidential politics, for reasons you’ll see shortly.

Black holes, you know, are not just those closets in your house where things disappear and you’re afraid to venture. They are also some of the strangest places in the universe. They are places so dense that if you get sucked into one you can never, ever get out. In fact, not even light can get out. They are the darkest of dark places.

They are places where up is down, right is left ... no, left is right and right is right. Black is ... well, black is blacker than black. Black holes are where words mean whatever you want them to mean, if they have any meaning at all. Nothing makes much sense in a black hole.

That’s kind of my definition. There’s another, more scientific one. But it comes to the same conclusion. A black hole is a place that sucks up everything in sight, including light, and once inside, it’s there forever. There is no escape. The normal laws of physics and logic don’t apply.

Anyway, rumor has it the monster black hole was discovered somewhere inside Michele Bachmann’s head, and she’s agreed to be on The Donald’s debate.

Maybe I will watch.

Denny Herzog is the retired executive editor of The Daily Sentinel. Email him at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).


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You, Mr. Herzog, are sounding more and more like a bitter mean old man.

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