Tebow-sized mea culpa and 20 (safe) predictions for 2012
Tebow mania is everywhere, and I might as well get this crow-eating thing over with. Loyal readers, if there are any of you out there, will recall I was less than bullish on Timmy Time earlier this year. After a rancid preseason performance, I (in)famously predicted that the erratic-but-athletic lefty would crumble under the rough-and-tumble weight of the National Football League.
Maybe it’s because I love a pure passer, and he’s not. Or maybe it is because Tebow is as close to sui generis as the NFL has seen in a long time, a guy whose unorthodox approach to the game is literally rewriting the terms of what works in professional football.
But whatever the reasons for my errant Tebow prognostication, it was errant for sure. And whether the Tebow experiment works over the long term doesn’t much matter in the short term. What Tim Tebow accomplished this season, and especially against Pittsburg, was jaw-dropping. No matter the outcome Saturday (this was written on Thursday) Tebow’s triumph this year is established truth.
And the only thing worse than a Tim Tebow skeptic is a stubborn Tim Tebow skeptic. So sign me up. I’m with Tim.
I’m actually Tebowing in the Denver office of EIS Solutions as I write this.
With that Tebow-sized mea culpa serving as prologue, I thought I’d offer a series of safer predictions for the coming year. No more out-on-a-limb for me. I’m lowering the bar. If these predictions for 2012 seem safe, that’s because they are — as in lock-cinch certain.
If you’re in the market for a second ranch, feel free to bet the ranch on this bit of soothsaying.
Without further ado, here are my 20 (safe) predictions for the Year of our Lord 2012.
Prediction No. 1. President Barack Obama will officially kick-off the political year by giving a lot of speeches. The speeches will be long and contain impressive sounding words.
2. President Barack Obama will run a lot of negative TV advertisements.
3. The president and Congress will argue a lot.
4. The GOP primary in South Carolina will be remembered as the bloodiest blood-bath in the history of modern presidential campaigns.
5. After a bruising primary between Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul that doesn’t officially end until Florida, Mitt Romney becomes the Republican nominee.
6. Rather than cooking-up his own attack ads on Romney (see Prediction 2), President Obama will simply adopt the outrageous, anti-free enterprise, Occupy Wall Street trash spewed by Gingrich and Rick Perry in South Carolina as the centerpiece of his argument against Romney in the fall.
7. Kim Kardashean will not re-unite with her husband of two-months, and Katie Perry will say lots of nasty things about her estranged husband to US Weekly and the Enquirer (and vice versa).
8. Gov. John Hickenlooper will find Republicans to be far less deferential during this 120-day legislative session, but a bipartisan budget gets passed (no tax increases included) and the governor will remain generally popular.
9. Rep. Ray Scott continues his Statehouse ascent, evolving from “quick learner” to “highly influential legislator” as part of the Republican majority in the House.
10. President Obama will give lots of speeches in the spring, some in Colorado.
11. Democrats in difficult elections will do their best to avoid being seen with President Obama during his speeches in Colorado in the spring.
12. Justin Bieber’s shaggy hair will continue to be “the look” for the little boys of America. My son’s shaggy hair will continue to annoy me.
13. Colorado Mesa University will acquire every subdivision north of Patterson Road and south of the Bookcliffs. On an unrelated note, tuition at Colorado Mesa will reach Ivy League levels.
14. Front Range officials who taunted Bill Ritter for killing the oil and gas industry with hard-core regulation, but who are touting their own barrage against oil and gas development now that it’s in their backyard, find that “energy independence for thee but not for me” is a difficult policy to defend.
15. President Obama’s campaign will put the pedal to the metal with a series of speeches just after Labor Day. The speeches will be long and contain impressive-sounding words.
16. Third District Congressman Scott Tipton will be in for a tough fight with Pueblo liberal Sal Pace, but will ultimately prevail by a healthy margin as people discover that Pace is a down-the-line partisan who is incapable of casting a vote (or making a public statement) that isn’t fully sanctioned by party headquarters and the AFL-CIO.
17. Tim Tebow and the Broncos, with the aid of a new wide receiver or two and one of the NFL’s best defenses, prove during the 2012 season that 2011 was no fluke.
18. After a vicious election season where President Obama’s campaign wages an unprecedented assault on Mitt Romney, and Team Romney returns just as much fire focused on the president’s failed economic stewardship, Mitt Romney is elected president of the United States.
19. Barack Obama gives his finest speech yet — a concession speech.
20. America listens to the president’s concession speech, then millions Tebow in thanks.
Josh Penry is a former minority leader of the Colorado Senate. He is a graduate of Grand Junction High School and Mesa State College.