For the readers who are joining me for the first time this Saturday, I’m Annie Payne.

I am a Fruita resident. I’ve lived in the Grand Valley most of my life.

I’ve been married for 11 years to my husband who I refer to in my articles as “Secret Agent Man.”

We have three children, 9-year-old twin boys, “Boy 1” and “Boy 2,” and a 7-year-old-daughter, who is also known in my musings as “Mini Me.”

I am a stay-at-home mom, a well-meaning volunteer, a writer and a blogger.

To the faithful readers who followed me to the Home & Garden pages from the now defunct, but yet beloved Charm page, I say, “thank you.”

I hope my presence here isn’t the kiss of death for this section, too. I would hate to take Dennis Hill down with me.

When my editor, Ann Wright, called to offer me a spot in the Home & Garden pages, I said, “Are you sure you don’t want me in the “Out & About?”

I can wax wordy for days about “American Idol.” I can even write Bollywood movie reviews. “Shahrukh Khan’s performance in ‘Om Shanti Om’ was nothing short of inspiring.”

As much as I love pop culture, the decision to move me to Home & Garden was spot on.

My passion for my family and making our house a home for them, far outweighs my pedestrian analysis of “to lift or not to lift” on “Dancing With The Stars” or my theories on who will make it off the island on “Lost.”

That being said, I’m no Martha Stewart, Barefoot Contessa or FlyLady, but I have turned to all of them for inspiration and advice.

The best thing I have done as a homemaker is heed the good counsel of others. And I know people, who know people, who know how to “home and garden!”

Truth be told, some of the best advice I have ever heard has come from famous women who are not necessarily known for their homemaking skills.

Erma Bombeck’s advice took the sting out of not having everything perfect all the time with this clever quip: “Shoveling the walk while it’s still snowing is like cleaning the house while kids are still growing.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve repeated that mantra in my head. As much as I would love to have my home look like the cover of Everyday Living magazine, the reality is that a home doesn’t have to be picture perfect.

I think a home should be a haven for all who live there. It should be orderly, functional and comfortable. It should be a place that you look forward to returning to each day.

Another famous woman gave some really practical advice I put into practice every day to help my home be more orderly. Joan Rivers said that you should never go up or down your stairs empty-handed.

She is right. There is always something that needs to be put away. I keep a basket at the bottom of my stairs. I use this to deposit items that can be put away the next time someone is headed upstairs.

For the life of me, I couldn’t find a citation for that advice except for my mother, and if Mom says Joan Rivers said it, she said it!

But here is a quotation from Joan I do have a source for. She said, “I hate cleaning house. You make beds, you wash dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.”

Now, that’s a quote about homemaking that sounds more like the Joan we know. Here is another quote I am sure you have seen on greeting cards and cross-stitching samplers that you would not think is attributed to Joan, but it is, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present.”

Truer words have not been said, Joan.

I don’t know if I can count on brainyquote.com as a credible source, but it works for me. I doubt Martha Stewart could come up with anything better.

So when it comes to home and gardening, I’ll take good advice wherever I can get it ... with these last, illustrious words from Joan in mind, “Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.”

Joan Rivers? Who knew?

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For more on an unpredictable variety of other topics, visit Annie Payne’s “Anniethology” blog online at Anniethology.blogspot.com.