Listen to your head and your heart

“A woman introduced herself after one of my seminars last month,” Dan said. “I’d seen her at the seminar series a few times before, but we had never talked. It seems she gathered some information about me, possibly from the company’s website. You know how badly I’ve wanted to meet someone. I was flattered and surprised that it finally happened.” His words sounded promising, but I sensed hesitation in his voice. “Have you seen her ...

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Face parenting challenges with advice from others

Once a month, my friend Tammy and I enjoy breakfast together. We met 15 years ago when we were both pregnant for the first time. I consider Tammy (and several other friends) part of my “village.” As my children have grown, I’ve built and depended on my village and people who know what I’m going through and support me. Even though Tammy has two daughters and I have three sons, it’s good for us to swap stories. Some issues are similar and some are very ...

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Ignoring emotions does not make them go away

“I haven’t told anyone that I’m doing life coaching,” Michael confessed. “They’ve noticed changes in me, but I don’t think it’s anybody’s business but mine.” “Would it be bad to let someone know you are working to improve your life?” I asked. “Most people think I have my act together,” he said. “I don’t want to be seen as weak … not that life coaching makes you weak,” he quickly ...

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Aim for a level playing field in relationships

“Since I’ve been focusing on the area of my life concerning my friendships, some interesting things have been happening,” Donna said as we started her life coaching session. “What have you noticed?” I asked. “As I’ve been changing personally, my friendships have shifted as well,” Donna said. “I’ve outgrown relationships that used to mean a lot to me. As I let go of old friendships, I find new ones that fit me ...

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It’s your life; be your own judge

“How are things going with Katelyn,” I asked Lisa as we started our life coaching session. Katelyn is Lisa’s 8-year-old daughter, who Lisa described as strong-willed and moody with an unending need for attention. “Yesterday we had a tough day,” Lisa said. “What happened?” I asked. “The kids played nicely all morning. When I announced that lunch was ready, Katelyn wouldn’t come inside to eat. I set out their lunches and informed them ...

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Shake off old thought patterns

“I love your necklace,” I said as we began Keri’s life coaching session. Keri beamed. “Thank you! I made it myself! I love making jewelry. It’s my new hobby and I think I have some talent,” she responded. “You’ve been talking about how empty you feel in your job,” I said. “How would it feel to find something you love AND get paid for it?” “I couldn’t make money at this,” Keri said, gesturing toward her ...

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People aren’t mind-readers, tell them how you feel

As Clyde walked in for our life coaching appointment, I turned my phone off so we wouldn’t be interrupted. “I get sick of those things,” Clyde said, motioning toward the phone. “The phone?” I asked. “Yes,” he said. “It seems people cannot live without them. Twenty years ago, all we had was a land line and a desktop computer. Nowadays, people have constant access to everyone and everything. I may sound like a grumpy old man, but at 72, I ...

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A belated tribute to the fathers in my life

Since we just celebrated Father’s Day, it seems appropriate to dedicate today’s column to the important fathers in my life. Let’s start with my dad. I have the best dad in the world and I’m not just saying that because of Father’s Day. He has been a great role model to me not only on how to raise my kids, but also on how to be respectful, balanced and loving to myself, my family, friends and community. What’s interesting about my dad is that he had no ...

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Use an affirmation to get through a tough situation

Eric began life coaching after he and his wife of 17 years got divorced. He continued working with a counselor to deal with the emotional issues. His interest in life coaching was to rebuild his life. Eric’s emotions left him unable to deal with the basic communication necessary to effectively parent. He and his ex-wife, Joanne, communicated through e-mail, and the more impersonal, the better. This strategy worked sometimes, but frequently led to miscommunication. His action step ...

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Take time to step into another perspective

“Is everything set for the big day?” I asked as I started my life coaching session with Brittany. She was getting married in two weeks. “Yes, but that’s not what I’m worried about,” Brittany responded. “What are you worried about?” I asked. “It’s Katelyn, one of my bridesmaids. We were college roommates our freshman year, and we are like this,” she said, holding up crossed fingers. “Isn’t she one of your ...

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Rude on a scale of 1 to 10

Janice walked in the door for our coaching session, rolled her eyes and ended her phone call. “Someone important?” I said with a smile. “Yes, very,” she said. “But he can also be irritating. It was my husband, Darrel.” “Would you like to talk about what’s irritating you?” I asked, knowing that venting can be a great way to start a coaching session. By releasing this energy, the client can more easily move forward. “We had a ...

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Taking action steps keeps life moving forward

My client, Deborah, had been married for nearly 20 years and had two children. Although she had known for more than two years that she wanted a divorce, she had only talked to Ted about it four months ago. They were in counseling, but no matter what they did to keep their marriage together, divorce seemed inevitable. Deborah sought life coaching to help her rebuild her life. She didn’t want to let life happen to her. She wanted to play an active part. With her counselor, Deborah ...

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Communication key to closing relationship expectations gap

It was my first transatlantic flight. I was on my way to Germany. I planned to enjoy the long flight by reading, writing and sleeping. Talking to people was not my top priority. I was on vacation. Being a life coach, however, doesn’t just turn on and off. When someone talks to me, I usually fully engage. It’s a habit. I find it nearly impossible to half listen, especially when someone wants to talk, and a nine hour flight provides an excellent opportunity to be heard (or to ...

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Personal growth can bring uneasy changes to friendships

As I waited for Paige to arrive for her coaching appointment, I thought about how much personal growth she had experienced since she began being coached and committed herself to a new fitness program. Her initial goal to lose weight had grown into a complete overhaul of her fitness program, her nutritional program and her entire life. After the first two appointments with her personal trainer, Paige came into our coaching session ready to quit working out. Her body was sore and she ...

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Examine the ‘stones’ in your life’s path

My parents visited recently to watch their grandkids participate in a variety of activities. From the second they got here until the time they left, we were on the run. On the day they arrived, we went to one of the boy’s track meets, which was followed by his twin brother’s baseball game. The following day we watched all three boys play in a band competition. The grandparents were duly impressed with their grandsons. Watching grandkids grow up is a wonderful and important ...

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Get out of the exclusive trap with an inclusive perspective

“What brings you to life coaching?” I asked Pete. “It’s a feeling I’ve had for a while, but haven’t had the courage to face,” he said. “My life is good. I have a high paying job. I adore my family. If you were to ask my friends, they would say, ‘he’s got a great life!’ “ “What’s missing?” I asked. “I have an idea what’s missing, but I can’t face it,” he ...

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Capture perfect moments every day

Each week on my blog, I participate in something called “Perfect Moment Monday.” According to the blog that hosts this weekly event (http://www.weebleswobblog.com), Perfect Moment Monday is about “noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one.” By participating in the Perfect Moment Monday project, I have become more mindful about life. I liken it to creating a gratitude list, where I name the things for which I am grateful. My kids have gotten into it, too. ...

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Wheel of Life exercise can get you on road to better life

“I did the Wheel of Life exercise from your Web site,” Jaynie said as we started our coaching session. “What did you discover?” I asked. “The directions said to draw a circle and divide it into the eight major areas of life: physical environment, career, family and friends, significant other and romance, fun and recreation, health, money and personal growth,” Jaynie said. “Then it said to place a dot in each section to rate my level of ...

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Spring cleaning not just about things around you

We recently moved our clocks ahead for daylight saving time and marked the vernal equinox. It’s spring ... finally! As the weather gets warmer, I feel the urge to organize and clean anything that has been slightly neglected or isn’t up to my level of satisfaction. It’s time for spring cleaning. I’m not a neat-nik, but I do like order in my life. This is constantly challenged by raising three teenage sons. When I ask them to clean up a mess, their first question is, ...

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Issues don’t magically end when divorce is final

On Facebook recently, one of my friends posted a picture of her signing a piece of paper. The status line read, “Filing for divorce!” The number of comments on this post (25 comments in less than 24 hours) is probably representative of how much support she has and of how much compassion and familiarity people have with divorce. I smiled at one of the comments, “We all deserve a practice marriage.” The perspective of a practice marriage seems opposed to what I grew ...

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Fear at the base of woman’s resistance

Lydia walked into our coaching session and took a deep sigh. “Usually I’m very positive,” she said, “but lately I’ve been more negative. It’s unlike me.” “If you could sum up your feelings with one word, what would it be?” I asked. “Resistant,” Lydia responded. “What does resistant mean to you?” I asked. “Staying away from things or pushing against something,” she said. “What are you ...

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Sometimes finding balance is a matter of perspective

This was my first coaching appointment with Margie, whom I had met in yoga practice. She had approached me after class with questions about life coaching. Margie filled out the Wheel of Life exercise from my Web site, which is a quick way to visually see what areas of life may be out of balance. From the exercise, I could easily see what was out of balance: her physical environment. “Tell me what’s going on with your physical environment,” I said. “There are a ...

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Exercise works when steps dropped from 3 to 1 at a time

Louis looked frustrated as he walked into our coaching session. During our last session, he had explained his irritation with one of his co-workers, Tamra. He took the Action Step of finding three qualities he admired in Tamra and three that irritated him. Then he was to determine when and where he displays these same traits. “How did your Action Steps go?” I asked. “Did you come up with three traits that you admire about Tamra and three that irritate ...

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When someone annoys you, you might share some blame

Have you ever been so annoyed with someone that you can hardly see straight? I recently was working with my client, Louis, and he was explaining his irritation for one of his coworkers. “Tamra purposely says half-truths and manipulates staff and upper management and it makes my job difficult,” Louis said. He provided several examples of how this had happened. I could tell Louis was irritated as I listened to the “he said, she said” dialogue. Talking through the ...

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Metaphors can help you make sound decisions

Darla is an attorney who came to life coaching to help her reach her career goals and attain her personal fitness goal of running a half-marathon, all while maintaining balance with her family life. She and her husband, Charley, have an 18-month-old and would like to have one more child. “Last night Charley asked me about getting pregnant again,” Darla said. “Our plan was to have our children three years apart. With my age, I don’t want to wait too long, but I ...

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Man anxious about date with ex-girlfriend

“I saw my ex-girlfriend, Michelle, a couple of weeks ago,” James said as we started our coaching session. “Our first conversation was awkward, but since then, we’ve seen each other a couple of times and have moved back into a comfortable friendship. We’re both cautious, but I’m hopeful that we can mend some of the damage that was done when we broke up.” “You’ve talked before about how painful this break-up was for you,” I said. ...

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Divorce season painful but survivable

There are times in my coaching career when I notice a pattern in the clients I am seeing and the issues they are growing through. Lately, the “hot” topic has been divorce. It’s “hot” because several clients are going through it and “hot” because it’s a very emotional topic. Eight years ago, when I was going through divorce, my attorney said, “When people go through divorce, they say and do some of the weirdest things.” My ...

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Divorce season painful, but survivable

There are times in my coaching career when I notice a pattern in the clients I am seeing and the issues they are growing through. Lately, the “hot” topic has been divorce. It’s “hot” because several clients are going through it and “hot” because it’s a very emotional topic. Eight years ago, when I was going through divorce, my attorney said, “When people go through divorce, they say and do some of the weirdest things.” My smile ...

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What to do when resolutions go awry

Mid- to late January seems to be the time when resolutions have either been frustrating or forgotten. What came into being with such enthusiasm and excitement is now ready to be put away like the holiday decorations or hauled away for recycling like the Christmas tree. Where do you stand on your resolutions? If you are strongly on the path toward reaching them, then keep going. There’s nothing more powerful than seeing clients who have taken back their power. Their determination and ...

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What to do when resolutions go awry

Mid- to late January seems to be the time when resolutions have either been frustrating or forgotten. What came into being with such enthusiasm and excitement is now ready to be put away like the holiday decorations or hauled away for recycling like the Christmas tree. Where do you stand on your resolutions? If you are strongly on the path toward reaching them, then keep going. There’s nothing more powerful than seeing clients who have taken back their power. Their determination and ...

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Friendships can be a lot like snowflakes

“I received an e-mail yesterday from a new friend, saying she needed to take a break from our friendship,” Kelley said as we began our coaching session. “We were just getting to know each other, and I thought things were going well. This was a complete surprise.” “How did you meet?” I asked. “I met her at a school event and found out we not only had kids the same ages, but also have many similar interests,” Kelley said. “In fact, two ...

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Consider future when making urgent decisions

“I ran into my ex-boyfriend, Samuel,” Marla said in a matter-of-fact tone. “How did that feel?” I asked. “It reminded me of how much fun we had,” she said. “I broke up with him four months ago because I didn’t see a future for us. He could talk about anything except his real feelings, and I want more.” “Is there regret in your voice?” I asked. “There are times when I’m lonely,” Marla said, “but ...

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Still searching for my soul mate

“I’ve been thinking about the concept of soul mates,” Naomi said. “My friend, Caitlyn, has been dating a man for the past year and she swears that they’re soul mates. I think you can actually see it when they are together.” “What’s your concept of a soul mate?” I asked. “It’s how she talks about him,” Naomi said. “It’s like they’ve searched lifetimes for one another and have finally found each other. ...

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Husband of deployed wife must convey feelings

Dan’s wife has been deployed overseas with her Army Reserve unit since last summer, and he has been taking care of their three kids while working full time. So Dan and the kids are celebrating the holidays without Michelle, whose tour ends in June. “Are you ready for the holidays?” I asked Dan as he walked in for our coaching session. “I’m trying to get into the holiday spirit, but it’s tough,” he said. “I’m worried about the kids not ...

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‘Tis the season to de-stress

“I love the holidays, but this year I feel really stressed,” Diana said as we started our coaching session. Diana came to life coaching to help herself get in shape. During our time together we had created a vision of what she wanted in this area of her life and brainstormed action plans to help her to reach her goals. “The problem is that when I’m stressed, it’s easy to slip into old habits. Lately, I’ve been eating a lot of junk and can’t find ...

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Get comfortable with ‘I don’t know’

“I’m not happy in my work,” Cathi said. “I don’t feel I can express who I am, and I feel depleted and empty most of the time.” I sensed something deeper was going on, so I asked, “Is it really your work that is inviting you to feel depleted and empty?” “I don’t know ... and I hate not knowing,” she replied. “Stay in the space of not knowing for a few minutes,” I said. “What does this space feel ...

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Find ways for thanks and giving

“I stopped by the grocery store and was behind a young mother,” Lana said as we began our coaching session. “I was picking up cupcakes for Tommy’s Thanksgiving party, where I am headed after our coaching session.” “What about the mother piqued your interest?” I asked. “I felt uncomfortable watching her dig through her purse trying to muster up money for her groceries,” Lana said. “I overheard her telling her children that she ...

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Find ways for thanks and giving

“I stopped by the grocery store and was behind a young mother,” Lana said as we began our coaching session. “I was picking up cupcakes for Tommy’s Thanksgiving party, where I am headed after our coaching session.” “What about the mother piqued your interest?” I asked. “I felt uncomfortable watching her dig through her purse trying to muster up money for her groceries,” Lana said. “I overheard her telling her children that she ...

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Get over your fear of delegation

“Things are hectic,” Claire said as we started our coaching session. “I have several new properties on the market, which has added a lot to my work load.” “Do you have an assistant?” I asked. “I have a great assistant,” Claire responded, “but I like to do things myself. For example, when it comes to a substantial document printing job, instead of teaching her how to do it, I do it myself. I have no confidence that she’ll remember ...

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Busy being busy needs counterbalance

“How was your weekend?” I asked as Beth walked in for our coaching session. “I got a lot done and had a great weekend,” she answered. “It sounds productive,” I said. “Tell me about it.” She ran through her list of accomplishments. “I cleaned the house, did the laundry, cooked three meals, helped with homework, ran errands and changed all of the beds.” “Wow ... all in two days?” I asked. “That sounds like a ...

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Take this Thanksgiving challenge

We’ve all done it and we will probably all do it again. We’ve heard other people doing it, and when they do it too much, it can be very irritating. What is it? “It” is complaining, and it’s our way of verbalizing when something isn’t right in our world. Although it can be tempting to get into a cycle of continuous complaining, it can also be the red flag you need to pay attention and determine what should be done. Think of it like a smoke alarm in ...

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Turn up your style’s volume

“I’m sorry I am late,” Rebecca said as she walked in for our coaching session. “Some students caught me after class to ask me questions about our first exam on Monday. I felt it was important to meet with them before the weekend.” “This must be the beginning German class you told me about,” I said. “Is it as fun as you thought it would be?” “No,” she answered, “I’m not having as much fun as I thought I ...

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Invest time in your friendships

“With James out of town a lot, I find myself at home most of the time,”  Julia said as we began our coaching session. “It sounds like you are feeling bored and possibly lonely,” I said. “Who do you like to spend time with?” “I only have a few close friends, but they don’t live here. I am a good friend but find that I don’t easily become a friend. I hold myself back and guard myself against all of the bad things that could happen ...

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Get your affairs in order with a ‘death file’

Do you ever think about death or wonder when or how you will die? Morbid, perhaps, but life is terminal. There’s only one way into this life, and only one way out. Part of living is dying, and part of our job is to get our affairs in order so when we do pass on, our loved ones won’t have to go on a scavenger hunt to find out what was happening in our lives and what our final wishes were. I recently took a coaching workshop about money and finances from another life coach, ...

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Slow down, try one activity at a trime

“How was your weekend?” I asked as Beth walked in for our coaching session. I got a lot done and had a great weekend,” she answered. It sounds productive,” I said. “Tell me about it.” She ran through her list of accomplishments, “I cleaned the house, did the laundry, cooked three meals, helped with homework, ran errands and changed all of the beds.” Wow…all in two days?” I asked. “That sounds like a week’s worth ...

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Balancing time, activities and perfection

“So many doors are opening and I’m getting overwhelmed, ” Caroline said as we began our coaching session. “What doors are opening?” I asked. “ I’m spearheading our employee barbecue,” she said, “and I want to do a great job.” “ What does doing a great job look like?” I asked. “ I want people to think, ‘This is the best barbecue we’ve ever had,’ ”  she ...

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Balancing time, activities and perfection

“So many doors are opening and I’m getting overwhelmed, ” Caroline said as we began our coaching session. “What doors are opening?” I asked. “ I’m spearheading our employee barbecue,” she said, “and I want to do a great job.” “ What does doing a great job look like?” I asked. “ I want people to think, ‘This is the best barbecue we’ve ever had,’ ”  she ...

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Consider closing open-door policy

“Work is taking over my life,” Daniel said as we began our coaching session. “I know it is part of business ownership, but I don’t like it. I love what I do; I just want to do less of it.” “When did you start feeling this way?” I asked. “ I’m not sure,” Daniel said. “It’s like being in a pot of water and slowly turning up the heat. It gets warmer, but you don’t notice until it’s boiling. The water is ...

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Consider closing open-door policy

“Work is taking over my life,” Daniel said as we began our coaching session. “I know it is part of business ownership, but I don’t like it. I love what I do; I just want to do less of it.” “When did you start feeling this way?” I asked. “I’m not sure,” Daniel said. “It’s like being in a pot of water and slowly turning up the heat. It gets warmer, but you don’t notice until it’s boiling. The water is ...

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On road to becoming, don’t forget to just be

As I was out last weekend, I ended up at a restaurant where one of my clients was performing with her band. She’s the lead singer in a couple of local groups, joining with various musicians to perform at different venues. As Caitlyn walked in for our coaching session a few days later, I said, “Hey, rock star!” and she smiled. “ I’m not a rock star,” she replied. “I just love music.” “ I can tell,” I said. “You were so ...

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